Ultimate Confidence: The Secrets to Feeling Great About Yourself Every Day
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major cause of lacking confidence is because at some level we don’t feel good enough.
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to beam, with happiness and contentment. Finally the journalist said in exasperation, ‘I don’t understand why you are smiling. I have just criticised you and mocked you.’ The holy man replied, ‘If you offer me a gift and I don’t accept it, who has the gift?’ ‘Why, I do,’ said the journalist. ‘Exactly,’ replied the holy man,
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consciousness and cause us a lot of pain. Here is how to express yourself: forgive, let go, move on, have high self-esteem and BE HAPPY. The most important words in
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the world are Let Go. You
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grown-up the most important words you will ever hear are the words you say to yourself and believe, and the most important opinion is
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have to continue it. We don’t continue to eat baby food just because chewing was once unfamiliar; we get used to anything over time. Our
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beings can get used to anything as long as it is consistent, so you can get used to consistently believing in your confidence and worth by using the methods and techniques in
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deal with a bully never, ever do anything that says ‘please like me’. Your behaviour always needs to say, ‘I like myself and I don’t need you to like
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me, what can I do to make you like me?’ the balance of the relationship is always in the hands of the other person. If you are dating someone
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‘How do I feel about myself
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when I am with this person?’
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don’t like you’ and I replied, ‘I don’t need you to like me, I already have great friends, I only need you to respect me.’ He then said, ‘I talk
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‘That’s up to them but I don’t let people talk to me like that.’ Eventually
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are you nice to yourself? Do you say, ‘Oh well, I made a mistake. I won’t ever do that again and I can still find my way there.’
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it up, you will fail, she will be disappointed, she will leave you for someone else.”’ The therapist said, ‘When I get undressed for sex I hear an orchestra; symbols clash, drums roll, the William Tell Overture plays’ etc. It was funny but true: you have to take control of the thoughts running through your mind and make them positive. If you hear negative music like
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immediately started saying, ‘I love doing this, it’s such fun, so exciting and I am so good at it’, and by telling myself that even though it was at that moment
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Remember, the way you feel is linked to the way you focus. And the way you focus is down to only two things: • The pictures you make in your mind. • The words you use. Don’t use negative words or pictures.
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way you focus is down to only two things: • The pictures you make in your mind. • The words you use. Don’t use negative words
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You must prefix anything you want to be free of with the word THE not the word MINE or MY. THE is a neutral word and that’s why women hate being called THE wife instead of MY wife as it does not imply pride or connection. It’s just ambiguous. As soon as you talk about THE shyness, THE fear, THE procrastination you have no emotion attached to it and it is easier to become and stay free of it. If you slip
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‘I am ENOUGH’ can be the most powerful words of all and are among my favourites. As you work through this chapter you will become aware of just how important these words are and you will learn how to go about using them for maximum impact and lasting confidence.
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I cannot emphasise enough how important it is to tell yourself you are enough. It is so simple but the results can be life changing. You must say I AM ENOUGH constantly, say it out loud, say it with feeling, say it like you mean it and say it over and over again and do so for weeks until it sinks in and replaces the feeling that you are
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someone else’s elevated opinion of
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Harvard MBA programme were asked, ‘Have you set clear, written goals for your future and made plans to accomplish them?’ Only 3 per cent had done that, 13
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and hugely benefit from it. The pioneer of goal setting is without doubt Brian Tracy. He taught me so much about goals. Brian Tracy states that people don’t set goals because:
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do and become excellent at it. What would you do with no need for a wage? What you loved doing between the ages of seven and fourteen is a key to your area of excellence. Anything significant that
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respect. If you imagine you have a thread keeping your head up and your back straight it helps, and when you are talking to someone always keep your shoulders, hips, feet and knees facing
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them. The minute you turn these four body parts away from the person you are talking to you express a need to leave. If you want to appear
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Successful people say ‘I choose to’ or ‘I choose not to’ instead, and in doing this they are telling their mind that they have a choice, are making the right choice and are happy
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for a way to stop the activity. Saying, ‘I am choosing to do this because I am choosing to be successful so I might as well choose to enjoy it’ causes any resistance to end.
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walking with the juice.’ So she learnt something without it affecting her self-image or self-esteem, so it was constructive criticism not destructive criticism. I knew it was working when I was late to collect her from school and her teacher said, ‘I have just been put in my place by a five-year-old. I said to her, “Your mother is hopeless” and she replied, “My mummy is not hopeless, she’s just late.”’
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need to make your partner wrong in order to resolve an argument. Talk without going over the past. Remember: you’re having an argument not a history lesson.
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and have inner peace we must be able to forgive the past, live in the present and feel excited about the future. You can’t live in the moment if your arguments are history lessons about the
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past.
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‘I’m sorry you feel that way.’ For example, if your partner complains
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feel that he fixed his problem not me. Men don’t like to feel that someone else fixed them as it makes them feel weaker, more beholden and vulnerable.
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it was like to be stranded on the roadside. This is hard for men who want to fix everything but not to talk about it, whereas women often want to talk about things but not fix them, which men don’t understand. Women have to show
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them that they want to be listened to and heard without necessarily being given a solution. This is also empathy. I was telling one of my male patients to murmur, ‘Oh, poor you’ when his wife told
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only wish I had known it before.’ Listening to your partner will allow you to see that when we complain about our day we don’t expect our partners to fix it by saying, ‘Why don’t you get a new job/End that friendship/Tell that person how you feel?’ We want our partner to say, ‘Oh, that’s horrible for you.’ Even saying nothing but ‘Oohhh,
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The minute we question a belief we no longer hold it to be true.
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and the more natural it all seems. Becoming confident at computers or cooking is so much to do with practice; if you do anything frequently it will become second nature, like living in another country makes you become confident about speaking
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ideas, accept them, have new expectations which will be met. When making mental changes effort is not truly necessary. What is necessary is the ability to get an image of how you plan to
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minute you begin to question something you no longer really believe it. After
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objections that come to mind. Next, write out each objection your mind may come up with, keep on writing out the affirmation and writing out any objections or thoughts that come to mind directly underneath the
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confident and firm yet pleasant voice, ‘I am very unhappy with this service and I expect a full refund or a full exchange.’
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increase the depression. Psychologists have found that increasing the number of social contacts a sad person has makes them happier. The Journal of Psychological Science found that happy people spent the least time alone and the
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avoid fat altogether. Make sure your diet has plenty of nuts and seeds, good oils like avocado and olives and oily fish or fish oil supplements. Getting the right fats in
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successful appear to lack inner confidence. When you label someone you limit them: even so-called positive labels like ‘my beautiful girl’ or ‘my brilliant boy’ or ‘my little helper’ have a downside.
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raised in a dysfunctional family, it can seem impossible to change your part, but it is never too late to get a new and better part, to play a different part in your family dynamics until it too becomes your own and is you. When you play a different part,
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everyone around you plays a different part too: you can’t play tennis with someone who refuses to hit the ball back to you, so when you play the part of someone who is confident and has
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stop treating you in ways that are inappropriate and outgrown. By incorporating into your behaviour and i...
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