#MeToo: Essays About How and Why This Happened, What It Means and How to Make Sure It Never Happens Again

by Lori Perkins

Their identity, however, is rooted less in ideology and more in belonging to a tribe. That’s a great example of why arguing about the issues is likely to be a losing proposition. The issues are only a veneer. It’s not about the issues. It’s about loyalty and belonging, which run much, much deeper than policy or politics.

They took on the views of their oppressors long ago. Now, like the rest of us, they’re wedded to their story, and recalcitrant about ceding any ground.

We can build a better future. A future in which five-year-old girls, and boys, can recognize when physical contact feels unwelcome to them, give voice to their objection, and be supported for it.

You don’t require the validation of the good guys in your life.

That feeling of belonging and working for something, of sharing that experience, fooled me into thinking the lows were just the price I paid for belonging.

The real power of abuse isn’t the big things. It’s the subtle drip. The slow wearing down of a person by small comments, looks or actions.

At some point you will have to decide what type of person you want to be, how you want to treat others—what you value. I hope the value you choose is kindness.

We’re vulnerable to falsehoods that are likely to match our perceptual frames.

I believe “I was only…” are three of the most dangerous words in the English language. “I was only joking.” “I was only trying to help.” “I was only…” No. You weren’t. You only offer those weak excuses when you are caught.

What can I do? I teach both of my children that their body is their own, and to know their rights. I tell them that they have a voice and to use it.