I realized what was going on when I read a book called Getting the Love You Want by Dr. Harville Hendrix. It’s a more clinical book than its title suggests, but Hendrix’ theory struck home. Essentially he argues that on a subconscious level we are drawn to the negative characteristics of our primary caretakers. What he means is that when we were children we had parents and older siblings and grandparents and perhaps even teachers with whom we associated our basic needs for survival. In other words, if we didn’t please our parents and grandparents, our food, shelter, and love were under threat.
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