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Never do yourself what others can do for you.
MAKE OTHER PEOPLE COME TO YOU—USE BAIT IF NECESSARY
WIN THROUGH YOUR ACTIONS, NEVER THROUGH ARGUMENT
It is much more powerful to get others to agree with you through your actions, without saying a word. Demonstrate, do not explicate.
The military engineer was the quintessence of the Arguer, a type found everywhere among us. The Arguer does not understand that words are never neutral, and that by arguing with a superior he impugns the intelligence of one more powerful than he.
He also has no awareness of the person he is dealing with. Since each man believes that he is right, and words will rarely convince him otherwise, the arguer’s reasoning falls on deaf ears.
Learn to demonstrate the correctness of your ideas indirectly.
The problem in trying to prove a point or gain a victory through argument is that in the end you can never be certain how it affects the people you’re arguing with: They may appear to agree with you politely, but inside they may resent you.
Action and demonstration are much more powerful and meaningful.
“The truth is generally seen, rarely heard.”
If it does not matter in the long run whether the other person agrees with you—or if time and their own experience will make them understand what you mean—then it is best not even to bother with a demonstration. Save your energy and walk away.
Never argue. In society nothing must be discussed; give only results.
When caught in a lie, the more emotional and certain you appear, the less likely it seems that you are lying.
INFECTION: AVOID THE UNHAPPY AND UNLUCKY
You can die from someone else’s misery—emotional states are as infectious as diseases. You may feel you are helping the drowning man but you are only precipitating your own disaster. The unfortunate sometimes draw misfortune on themselves; they will also draw it on you. Associate with the happy and fortunate instead.
When you suspect you are in the presence of an infector, don’t argue, don’t try to help, don’t pass the person on to your friends, or you will become enmeshed. Flee the infector’s presence or suffer the consequences.
humans are extremely susceptible to the moods, emotions, and even the ways of thinking of those with whom they spend their time.
Understand this: In the game of power, the people you associate with are critical. The risk of associating with infectors is that you will waste valuable time and energy trying to free yourself.
The other side of infection is equally valid, and perhaps more readily understood: There are people who attract happiness to themselves by their good cheer, natural buoyancy, and intelligence. They are a source of pleasure, and you must associate with them to share in the prosperity they draw upon themselves.
Never associate with those who share your defects—they will reinforce everything that holds you back. Only create associations with positive affinities. Make this a rule of life and you will benefit more than from all the therapy in the world.
Recognize the fortunate so that you may choose their company, and the unfortunate so that you may avoid them.
LEARN TO KEEP PEOPLE DEPENDENT ON YOU
To maintain your independence you must always be needed and wanted. The more you are relied on, the more freedom you have. Make people depend on you for their happiness and prosperity and you have nothing to fear. Never teach them enough so that they can do without you.
Be the only one who can do what you do, and make the fate of those who hire you so entwined with yours that they cannot possibly get rid of you.
Necessity rules the world. People rarely act unless compelled to. If you create no need for yourself, then you will be done away with at first opportunity.
The ultimate power is the power to get people to do as you wish.
This is the model: Make others dependent on you. To get rid of you might spell disaster, even death, and your master dares not tempt fate by finding out. There are many ways to obtain such a position. Foremost among them is to possess a talent and creative skill that simply cannot be replaced.
And if, in reality, you are not actually indispensable, you must find a way to make it look as if you are.
But, as Machiavelli said, it is better to be feared than loved. Fear you can control; love, never.
The first lesson which experience should teach you is to keep hope alive but never satisfied, keeping even a royal patron ever in need of you.
USE SELECTIVE HONESTY AND GENEROSITY TO DISARM YOUR VICTIM
One sincere and honest move will cover over dozens of dishonest ones. Open-hearted gestures of honesty and generosity bring down the guard of even the most suspicious people. Once your selective honesty opens a hole in their armor, you can deceive and manipulate them at will.
The essence of deception is distraction. Distracting the people you want to deceive gives you the time and space to do something they won’t notice.
In ancient China this was called “giving before you take”—the giving makes it hard for the other person to notice the taking.
One gift did more for the Greek cause than ten years of fighting.
“When you are about to take, you should give.”
WHEN ASKING FOR HELP, APPEAL TO PEOPLE’S SELF-INTEREST, NEVER TO THEIR MERCY OR GRATITUDE
And in the end, most people are in fact pragmatic—they will rarely act against their own self-interest.
At each step on the way to acquiring power, you must train yourself to think your way inside the other person’s mind, to see their needs and interests, to get rid of the screen of your own feelings that obscure the truth. Master this art and there will be no limits to what you can accomplish.
The shortest and best way to make your fortune is to let people see clearly that it is in their interests to promote yours.
POSE AS A FRIEND, WORK AS A SPY
CRUSH YOUR ENEMY TOTALLY
The law governing fatal antagonisms reads: Reconciliation is out of the question. Only one side can win, and it must win totally.
In warfare, for example, a good general knows that if he attacks an army when it is cornered, its soldiers will fight much more fiercely. It is sometimes better, then, to leave them an escape route, a way out. As they retreat, they wear themselves out, and are ultimately more demoralized by the retreat than by any defeat he might inflict on the battlefield.
USE ABSENCE TO INCREASE RESPECT AND HONOR
Too much circulation makes the price go down: The more you are seen and heard from, the more common you appear. If you are already established in a group, temporary withdrawal from it will make you more talked about, even more admired. You must learn when to leave. Create value through scarcity.
Everything in the world depends on absence and presence. A strong presence will draw power and attention to you—you shine more brightly than those around you.
The more you are seen and heard from, the more your value degrades. You become a habit. No matter how hard you try to be different, subtly, without your knowing why, people respect you less and less.
The moment you allow yourself to be treated like anyone else, it is too late—you are swallowed and digested. To prevent this you need to starve the other person of your presence. Force their respect by threatening them with the possibility that they will lose you for good; create a pattern of presence and absence.
We rarely know when to withdraw anymore, and nothing seems private, so we are awed by anyone who is able to disappear by choice.
