Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty... And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself

by Aziz Gazipura

people are not porcelain dolls that will shatter if you speak the truth. People are strong and can handle life. And when you treat them that way, you’re treating them with the respect and dignity they deserve.

It’s time to stop secretly hoping that if we’re nice enough and good enough, our needs will magically be met. That others will be perceptive and check in with us: “Hi friend, what do you need today?” While this may happen occasionally, it usually does not. When it doesn’t, we become frustrated, hurt, or angry inside. We judge others as selfish, self-absorbed, or totally clueless. And we feel powerless. It’s time to step up and take full responsibility. No one can care as much about your internal, moment-to-moment experience as you can. Because they’re not in it. They’re not in your body, in your mind, and in your heart, experiencing everything you are. They have their own internal experience to feel and navigate. You are responsible for you.

Many times per day, ask yourself the questions you’ve learned so far in this book: What do I want? What do I need? How can I take care of myself? Then, instead of dismissing the answers, pay attention to them.

You’re not responsible for other people’s feelings, wants, desires, and needs. You do not have to meet everyone’s needs.

If you say no, then it’s their responsibility to find a different way.

My time here is finite and there are so many people I like and love, I do not want to spend time with anyone that drains me.