This is yet another example of the Not Nice paradox. When we’re trying to be nice, please others, and be a “good person” who everyone likes, we end up becoming way more self-absorbed. We don’t approach the person who’s struggling in an effective or helpful way. We either avoid them because we’re scared, or we come out guns ablazin’, trying to hastily fix their feelings because we can’t tolerate their upset. But when we let all this go, we end up being way more attentive, focused on others, loving, and helpful.
