Healthy self-interest exists in the range between level 4 and 5. That may surprise you. Perhaps you see four as a healthy place to be: Sometimes You, Sometimes Me. I mean, it seems fair after all. But level 5, Usually Me First, Then You, that just sounds terrible, doesn’t it? Way too selfish, bad, and wrong! Not necessarily. Because being able to identify what you want and prioritize meeting your needs in a skillful way allows you to be more loving, generous, and giving than ever before. The “Usually Me First” means you are frequently looking inwards to discover what you need and want, first.
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