Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty... And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself

by Aziz Gazipura

To discover what’s really true, slow down and pay attention, especially when you agree to do something with someone, or after you’ve spent time with them. Do you feel energized after the activity? Do you feel lighter, happier, and more optimistic? These are the signals of positive, beneficial connection that is nourishing you. Even if you don’t love the activity, like the gardening for example, perhaps spending time with someone you love feels good in a deep way. Knowing you brightened your mom’s day warms your heart. Or do you feel drained afterwards? When you slow down and pay attention, and honestly check in with yourself, do you feel resistant, upset, negative, frustrated, or resentful? Do you drive home pissed off at your brother because he never does gardening and he should, dammit? Do you have an urge to call him up and chew him out for not doing enough with Mom? Do you feel tense in your body? Does your back hurt when you wake up in the morning before gardening day? (Must have slept on it wrong…) These are signs to pay attention to. These are indicators on your dashboard that you are out of alignment.