If we are securely attached, we know that we can be ourselves, make mistakes, and generally live our lives and people close to us will love us for who we are. They aren’t going anywhere. When we are insecurely attached, we can feel like we have to earn love and continually keep people close to us by not making mistakes, never upsetting, and otherwise being “good.” In short, saying no makes us feel unsafe. It can trigger a fear of being abandoned in emotional centers in our brain.
