We push against discovering what we want because it can be uncomfortable to do so. First, we bump up against our negative beliefs about desire, so we can feel a subtle sense of shame just for paying attention to what we want. That’s so selfish and bad! Then there’s fear about what we might discover. What if I don’t want to spend time with that friend anymore? What if I’m secretly feeling disengaged and bored during sex with my partner and I want something to be different? Bad! Selfish! Wrong! And then we’re scared about what we’ve discovered because that might lead us to speak up and actually
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