Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty... And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself

by Aziz Gazipura

1. What Do I Want? Pretty standard, you are quite familiar with this question by now. Yet it is the place we must always start from. What exactly do you want? If you were operating from complete self-interest, what would it be? Do not water it down or compromise yet. Start with what you truly want. 2. How much do I want this? On a scale of 1-10, rate how strongly you want this. How important is it to you? How strong is the desire? 1 being minimal and 10 being strong. 3. What needs of mine am I trying to meet? Remember the six human needs? Certainty, variety, significance, love/connection, growth, and contribution. Which of these needs are you trying to meet? If you notice that trying to please others or avoiding conflict is driving you (a.k.a. certainty/safety, trying to preserve connection), make a note of that. 4. How will this impact the other person? Determine what the other person might feel and experience as a result of your actions. Then on a scale of 1-10, rate how strong the impact will be, 1 being minimal impact, 10 being high impact with burden or cost associated to it. 5. How can other people meet their needs and get support? Get creative and think of other ways that the people you’re impacting can get the help or support they need. How else could they meet their needs if you don’t do it for them? 6. Are there any other ways to meet my needs? Similarly, get creative about how else you might meet your needs. Are there other ways to do it beyond what you came up ...