Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty... And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself

by Aziz Gazipura

And don’t get me started if the person you’re talking to is beautiful, handsome, confident, powerful, or successful. Then it becomes even worse. Their disapproval is even more important to avoid because their perception means more than yours does. I mean, after all, they are a better person because they’re skinny, or muscular, or rich, right? Speaking of which, how does your Approval Seeker show up? What specifically do you do to avoid disapproval? Also, what do you do to try to win the approval of others? This usually arises as an urge to impress others. Perhaps you try to appear very intelligent or highly knowledgeable about a particular subject. Maybe you play up experiences you’ve had, exaggerating a bit so others see you as exciting or cool. Maybe you name drop, or tell a certain story again and again because it makes you look important. These are just a few examples of the many subtle ways we try to earn the approval of others.