Being the “good boyfriend,” I said I would help her move. When I got there, however, I was overwhelmed with a strong urge to leave. It was too much, too soon. Too much involvement in her relationship with her ex-husband, and I didn’t like it. For the vast majority of my life, I would have felt this discomfort and stuffed it down. I would have followed my inner set of shoulds and been the nice guy. In this case: you should help your girlfriend move. Fortunately, I’d been doing some of the work you’re doing right now. I was in a men’s group that was helping me see that noticing my inner
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