The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality

by Julie Sondra Decker

But it remains a terribly underdiscussed topic, which leaves the door open for the next generation of asexual teenagers to go through life hearing the same messages I did, very likely to lose confidence in their ability to form interpersonal connections during their formative years.

Written in 2015 I'm beginning to wonder if this book and others like it have done this. All these years later I think we're starting the next generation and they do seem more accepted.

Some people misinterpret aesthetic appreciation, romantic attraction, or sexual arousal as being sexual attraction, only to realize later that they are asexual.

Labels are chosen to describe people—to be able to discuss the issues, find similar people, and understand the experience. When circumstances change, labels can too.

This is an underrated comment

(e.g., they may like aggressive women but not aggressive men or find graceful movements to be attractive in a man but have no reaction to similar gracefulness in a woman). Attraction is sometimes dependent on far more than a person’s body or physical aesthetic.

I love this section. Because I'd never thought of it. The sheer aesthetic before

Sapioromantic Attracted to people based on intelligence

I have never heard of this before

Sexual arousal suggests a physiological response; sex drive suggests a desire to respond to arousal or a desire to pursue sex; and sexual attraction suggests an experience of finding someone sexually appealing.

Asexual people in relationships—especially women—face coercion and are at higher risk for sexual assault, which is often overlooked because outside observers may believe the aggressor deserves sex or that people who are in relationships are in a constant state of consent and therefore are not capable of sexually assaulting each other.

Oh god. Now I just feel sick. This hadn't even occurred to me. How many of my ace sibs of all sexual identities have been sexually assaulted over the years? We know the male body can react to physical stimuli again the body's will. It is more than possible for a physiologically male body to be used in a way it is unwilling to be. Ugh, grim dark thoughts. And may those 'partners' rot in the depths of hell for that abuse of trust and decades of trauma

Non-LGBT asexual people aren’t saying they have an identical or worse experience when compared to LGBTQ people. They are saying they often feel omitted, erased, and excluded and that they move through life facing consistent challenges to their sexual orientation.

YES! We dont claim worse we claim different

Asexual people are also fighting for recognition and tolerance, just like LGBT people are, and some feel a sense of belonging because of their experiences fighting the same or analogous battles.

Asexual people are at a higher risk for “corrective” rape. Sometimes this is because they are commonly interpreted as being a challenge for an aggressive, confident person to “turn.” Other times this happens because a rapist feels that sex is very important for everyone and they really believe forcing someone into sex will wake them up. Disturbingly, these hypothetical rapists aren’t necessarily strangers or acquaintances. Many times they are the asexual person’s partner or spouse.

But language is always dependent on context. Scientific disciplines use context-dependent terms all the time. For instance, in a scientific context, theory has a totally different meaning from theory as used in a murder mystery or to describe a hunch.

This is such an important point in all contexts

Sexual attraction and interest isn’t like vampirism. It isn’t passed on once a person is “bitten.”

Asexual survivors of “corrective” rape may also be told they are mistaken about being targeted because they are asexual, aren’t knowledgeable enough about sex to determine what rape is, or must be lying because no one would assault a person just for claiming to be asexual.

I'm sorry you what now. Fuck right off with that logic. It's infantilization on the worst level.