The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality

by Julie Sondra Decker

You’re processing yourself in a situation that would be distasteful to you, and until you accept that this is someone else’s “normal,” you may be unable to react constructively.

Acknowledging that it’s just one more kind of normal is comforting.

People who are already in marriages or other long-term relationships suddenly (or so it seems) start identifying as asexual and want to change the game. What

Asexual people are taught to hide it if they don’t feel what everybody else seems to feel.

Sometimes partners determine that their needs are indeed too different to stay together, and there’s no shame in that; however, there are many different compromises that can be reached,

no one should have to remain in a relationship that isn’t what they thought it was and includes a dealbreaker, either.

You are free to leave the relationship if it is best for both of you

Never imply to an asexual person that lack of willingness to have sex makes them “damaged goods,” or that relationships are “about” sex, or that it’s not real love unless it involves sex, period.

Asexual is not a synonym for sex negative or dateless.

Asexuality isn’t a decision, an oath, or a phase.