What If It's Us (What If It's Us #1)

by Becky Albertalli

I follow him into his bedroom, which feels totally, unrecognizably different from Sunday in a way that I can only assume is due to sex vibes. I’m so nervous I’m almost shaking. I can’t wrap my head and my heart around this strange new possibility. This thing my brain’s been circling around for years. How could I ever have predicted the circumstances of this moment—this particular night, this particular place, this particular boy. I always thought it would feel larger than life, and it doesn’t, but I like that. It’s not a starlit field, but it’s better, because it’s Ben. “So.” He sits on his bed, and I settle in beside him. Then he strains sideways and slides his laptop off his nightstand. I watch as he cracks it open and scrolls through his applications. I have to admit, this is an unexpected part of the process. But maybe it’s porn. I think I’ve heard of people who do that—have sex with porn in the background. I don’t entirely see the point. It seems kind of like watching YouTube videos in a movie theater. But maybe this isn’t porn-related. Maybe this is The Wicked Wizard War–related, and he’s opening up a freshly written sex scene to inspire us. That I could get into. “Oh, here we go.” Ben scoots backward on the bed. We end up side by side, our backs pressed to the wall, and he tilts his laptop toward me. It’s . . . a computer game. “I made you a Sim,” he says shyly. “Look, that’s you.” And there I am, center screen, tousled dark hair and button-down and a bow tie. It’s ...