I tell him, “With Luiz, she doesn’t have to think about the kids, the bills, the dinner—all things that make her feel erotically drab. Put him in your place, and he’d soon have the same fate.” “Erotic silence” is the term psychotherapist and author Dalma Heyn uses to describe this predicament—an “unexpected, in-articulable deadening of pleasure and vitality” that happens to some women after they tie the knot. “A woman’s sexuality depends on her authenticity and self-nurturance,” she writes. Yet marriage and motherhood demand a level of selflessness that is at odds with the inherent selfishness
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