Advice Not Given: A Guide to Getting Over Yourself

by Mark Epstein

Eightfold Path: Right View, Right Motivation, Right Speech, Right Action, Right Livelihood, Right Effort, Right Mindfulness, and Right Concentration.

While Right Effort, Concentration, and Mindfulness refer primarily to meditation, the other branches do not. Right View and Right Motivation speak to the role of insight in countering the ego’s insistent demands, while Right Speech, Action, and Livelihood describe the importance of ethical restraint in thwarting the ego’s selfish impulses.

Right View asks us to focus on the incontrovertible truth of impermanence rather than trying to shore up a flawed and insecure self.

The happiness of my marriage had made separation challenging. I was hungry for the connection and deeply uncomfortable when it was absent. It echoed that earlier time of my life when my wish to be the responsible child had created conflict with my need for contact.

Compassion without wisdom is sometimes called “idiot compassion” and manifests as someone giving too much and destroying himself or herself along with whomever they are trying to save.

She found refuge in the Buddha’s affirmation that suffering is an inextricable aspect of life and stopped blaming herself for what she had been through.

There is a rush to normal that closes us off, not only to the depth of our own suffering, but also, as a consequence, to the suffering of others.