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Kevin’s favorite thing in the world is percentages. I’m pretty sure he stays up at night just thinking of ways he can add percentages into everyday conversation.
I move in closer, and lower my voice, even though the kid is crying so loud no one could overhear us. But I’m pretty sure it’s mandatory to lower your voice when plotting a deception like this.
“Hey, where did Sacs go?” Evans gives me a pained grin. “He left when you started talking about the way Bell chews on his mouthguard.” “Well, it’s stupid!
I guess he just realized he’s not gonna be all buddy-buddy with Bell after cheating on his sister.
I think it takes less than a minute to break up with him. It’s the distance, I say. I’m overwhelmed with the women’s league and figure skating and school. I’ll miss him very much. He grunts a: “Yeah, no worries. Makes sense.”
Dude, you’re worse than girl.
“That hardly classifies as a plan.” He laughs. “Play more hockey! Remind me not to include you when I’m figuring out how to survive a zombie apocalypse.”
“What if I talk like this?” I say through a forced smile, raising my voice ten octaves. Xander cringes. “Less demon My Little Pony and more Disney princess.”
I’ve got choices about what to stress about.
Okay, was that demon-pony or princess-like? Judging by their faces, I think I was verging on the side of demon.
“AL-ICE,” Madison says, somehow managing to turn my name into two syllables.
“Do you know why it’s so cold tonight?” Because it’s winter in Chicago? But he seems onto something, so I keep my comment to myself.
I really wish I hadn’t made that joke about the whole murder thing, because now it feels like a distinct possibility.
“Don’t worry, Al!” she says, her voice musical. “Your whole body will be numb soon enough and then you won’t notice a thing!”
Kevin shuts off the car and a stream of sweater-wearing Canadians exit the house.
Isn’t that part of the Canadian Starter Kit, along with a jug of maple syrup and a plaid saddle for your polar bear?
“I’m, uh, I’m here for the game,” she finally says, her face growing bright red. “Here to watch Xander play the game. The game that is hockey.” “Al!” I say, straightening. She bristles at my enthusiasm.
If I include today, this will make a grand total of one time that I’ve worn it.
