I had. I knew I had. But how? These walkabouts, these rites of passage, these spirit quests are meant to transform. We want to meet Jesus on the road, to be stopped in our tracks by a white light or a burning bush. I didn’t get any of that. I got the erosion of the shoreline of a river, one pebble at a time. I wanted to change. I wanted to be born different. To be replaced and born again. New. Forgotten and remade. I don’t know how that happens. I guess you have to completely erase your past, which I wasn’t ready to do. So I carried it with me, no matter how hard I ran from it.
