Tribe Of Mentors: Short Life Advice from the Best in the World

by Timothy Ferriss

I go through an exercise that helps me to get present to the reality of the situation. I tell my story to myself from the perspective of a victim, then I tell the exact same story from a place of 100 percent responsibility. Victim: “I was late to an important event because my girlfriend took too long to get ready. It’s not my fault.” Responsible: “I acknowledge my breakdown in being late. In the future I am committed to making sure that I do everything I can to ensure that I’m on time.” Telling myself the victim story allows me to vent briefly. Once I’m over it, then I realize that if this meeting was so important to me, I should have made it clear to my girlfriend that I couldn’t be late, and let her know that if she was running late, I’d have to leave without her.

I read About Face by Colonel David H. Hackworth. I haven’t

You want more free time? Follow a more disciplined time-management system. You want financial freedom? Implement long-term financial discipline in your life. Do you want to be physically free to move how you want, and to be free from many health issues caused by poor lifestyle choices? Then you have to have the discipline to eat healthy food and consistently work out. We all want freedom. Discipline is the only way to get it.

on that. If you try to solve every problem or complete every task simultaneously, you will fail at all of them. Pick the biggest problem or the issue that will provide the most positive impact. Then focus your resources on that and attack it. Get it taken care of. Once you have done that, you can move on to the next problem or issue, then the one after that. Continue doing that until you have stabilized the situation. Prioritize and execute.

a Premack [a motivational system where a more-preferred activity can be used to reinforce a less-preferred activity] or a rewards system, but with a more concrete strategy.

that is!) I’ll write my list of two or three least desirable major tasks on one pad, with the word “Tasks” written on top. And I’ll keep the second pad ready with the heading “Distractions” on top. I’ll then set my phone timer for 20 minutes. I’ll tackle one of my undesirable major tasks for a full 20 minutes. No straying from that. During that time, like clockwork, I’ll always have several distractions: tasks and ideas that inevitably pop up in my head. These thoughts and temptations would normally send me off and running to accomplish whatever they were while they were burning in my head: an idea for music, a drawing or plan that was a eureka moment on a totally different project, answers to a problem I’d been trying to solve elsewhere, etc. Because when you’re engaged mentally on a task, creativity fires off more ideas. But that becomes a problem when those ideas distract from your major less-desirable

So how to keep myself from doing that? During my 20 minutes, I’ll just physically write down any incoming missile of a thought on my “Distractions” pad, and I immediately go back to my major undesirable task. Now I don’t have to worry I’ll forget it. I’m not trying to disregard it and ignore the thought. I’m just keeping track of it by writing it down and deferring it, even if it’s an extremely productive thing, because anything that takes away from my main task is technically a distraction. Once it’s written down, I can go back to my main task until the 20 minutes is up. If I’m on a roll on my main task, I’ll add another 10 minutes to the timer and go as far as 30 minutes. But that’s the limit. I find that if I don’t reward myself often enough, my brain will mutiny. I then take a 10- to 15-minute “reward break.” I get up after 30 minutes and walk around. I take my distraction pad (which by now probably already has several things listed) and I’ll get to go do one of those things for 10 to 15 minutes only. You must set a timer for this, too.

I usually write any kind of to-do list in my phone, but there’s a visual satisfaction to scratching out a tedious task by hand once it’s complete, and having a handwritten distractions list. That’s why I use the notepads. Writing out the distractions list was a real game changer and what finally made the concept of a Premack work for me. Makes it all so fácil.

Kristen is the author of The Art of Fear: Why Conquering Fear Won’t Work and What to Do Instead.

I went on an immersive nine-day retreat 14 years ago when I was not in crisis. It was called Nine Gates Mystery School. It still exists today and I hear it’s better than ever.

The Wisdom of the Enneagram by Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson.

Talk therapy. Talking and thinking about your fear is great—who doesn’t like to talk about themselves for an hour? But it will keep you in the loop of your thinking mind, often for decades. Emotional problems need to be dealt with emotionally, not intellectually.

[Note from Tim: I asked Kristen how she broke up with her friends, exactly, and she sent a detailed four-page blueprint. Find it for free at tim.blog/kristen]

If it seems like it’s in our minds, that’s because we’re not dealing with it emotionally but rather intellectually, which is never a good idea. I locate the feeling in my body—sometimes it’s in my jaw or shoulders, sometimes my forehead. Then I have a one- to two-minute, three-step process: I spend about 15 to 30 seconds affirming that it’s natural to feel this discomfort. I may have a big talk coming up or a deadline. You are supposed to be scared when you’re doing big things—okay? Acknowledging this can be life-changing. I spend the next 15 to 30 seconds being curious about what my current relationship is with that discomfort. If the anxiety seems out of proportion to the situation, or if it seems irrational in any way, that means I’ve been ignoring fear and thus it’s starting to speak louder or act out. If this is the case, I give it my full attention then, and ask what it’s been trying to say to me that I haven’t acknowledged (e.g., “Write a new speech; the one you have sucks.” Or, “You forgot to call your mother”). Being such a great advisor, I use this time with fear to juice its knowledge like you would juice an orange. Then, I spend as long as it takes to feel it. Now, this is important: I don’t try to get rid of it. That is not what this is about, because that would be disrespectful to fear. The key is to feel the feeling by spending some time with it, like you would with your dog, friend, or lover. I usually do this for about 30 to 60 seconds. After which, fear, ...

Even when we think we react to what another person had done, or to a distant childhood memory, or to the global financial crisis, the truth is we always react to a tension in the shoulder or a spasm in the pit of the stomach.

Mental Toughness Training for Sports by Dr. Jim Loehr. My best competitive season of sports—then

The player of the inner game comes to value the art of relaxed concentration above all other skills; he discovers the true basis for self-confidence; and he learns that the secret to winning any game lies in not trying too hard.

my chest?” These are better questions. Excellence is the next five minutes, improvement is the next five minutes, happiness is the next five minutes. This doesn’t mean you ignore planning. I encourage you to make huge, ambitious plans. Just remember that the big-beyond-belief things are accomplished when you deconstruct them into the smallest possible pieces and focus on each “moment of impact,” one step at a time.

Links to all “most gifted” and “most recommended” books in Tribe of Mentors—tim.blog/booklist

Links to all the “best under $100 purchase” answers from Tribe of Mentors—tim.blog/under100

The Solution to The Riddle—tim.blog/spin Thank me later.

(page 224) could change your life. On top of that,

quarter, Tara Brach’s guided meditations,

Mason Currey, author of Daily Rituals,