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My response could have been to curl up into a ball and binge-watch The Walking Dead, but I have a general rule: the bigger the disappointment, the harder I keep trying. A wise man once said, “Instead of crying, I keep on trying.” And that wise man is me, because I just made that up.
So here I am, hours after being told NO to yet another TV show, taking a few notes on what I’ve learned this time around, and bouncing back with the knowledge that if I keep trying and getting better at making television, something will actually work—and I’ll Win by Losing.
“You can’t catch a fish if your hook isn’t in the water.”
If I just showed confidence in a direction I had chosen (false confidence or not), that was good enough. I didn’t need to have any special knowledge or power to give something I wanted to try a shot. I just needed to do it—and there’s a lot of freedom in that line of thinking.
I’ve found that the most successful self-made people are those who are great at chasing an idea hard, screwing it up, learning from it, and getting right back into the chase. It’s about keeping up the hustle. I love the hustle.
That gives us failures some real hope! As long as we can find the resilience to bounce back from defeat and the consciousness to learn from it, we can achieve “success.”
According to people who study this stuff, a lot of it depends on your attitude toward whatever you find hard. If you think that you’re a loser because you didn’t get math, the girl, or the job, you’re probably going to have an even harder time making a go of it next time. If there’s a next time. But if you can flip the idea of rejection on its head and turn it into a chance to improve your algebra or your pickup lines, then you aren’t stuck at the bottom of the heap but at the beginning of a long, optimistic hike up the mountain.
Fight: Because every day is a fight. In some form or other. It could be a fight from within to push yourself to a new limit, or it could be against one of the many people in this world who want to tell you no.
Repeat: Now take the Fight, the Grind, the failure—and then do it all again. And again. And again. The Repeat is truly the only way to separate yourself from the pack, and where it gets really hard. It’s also where you’ll find true success.
I’ve not only worked hard to improve my singing, I also surround myself with awesome-r people. (Pro tip: this is a must. Drop the ego and put better people around you.)
I think love is why everybody does everything. But you must figure out if your Fight is for what you love or what you’re doing for love.
That’s an important distinction. As human beings, our A-number-one instinct is to find love, but that’s different than having a purpose and a plan. It’s not easy to completely untangle this (uh, that’s why therapy costs so much and takes so long). But you can ask yourself one important and clear question: Is my Fight good for me?
There is no substitute for reflecting on your actions and feelings—and how the two interact.
But, fine, if you want a simple life hack, here you go: If you keep being told no, and you continue to keep trying for it, that’s how you know that you really want what you think you want. Put another way, if someone saying no to you doesn’t make you want your goal any less, then you are following the right goal.
My philosophy is that if I’m not afraid of the worst-case scenario—failing—why should anyone else be? What do I have to lose by losing? Embarrassment? What I dread more than bombing big time is not taking the shot. You’ve heard the idea: you don’t regret failing as much as you do not trying. As clichéd as that sounds, here’s the thing about clichés—they exist for a reason.
I believe that a controlled heart rate is a large key to success, whether it’s going into a job interview or giving a speech at a wedding. This isn’t some New Age hippy-dippy talk. Think of it this way: imagine all the times your heart was beating out of your chest. You probably didn’t make the wisest decisions or say the smartest things in that moment. When your body is screaming “I’m freaking out!”, it’s hard for your brain to ignore that.
always say nerves are a sign that whatever is happening—good or bad—matters.
We’ll talk more about that later, but the truth is we feel like everyone is always watching and judging us. Nope. People just care about themselves.
But if you can intellectualize the idea that criticism is awesome because it will lead to actually being awesome, you can move past hurt feelings and into true hope. AND THE COMPLIMENTS ARE THAT MUCH MORE AWESOME when they do come, because you know they are real.
It doesn’t matter if you’re telling jokes or working a spreadsheet: never be satisfied with where you are, and always find a new way to engage in the Fight. Enjoy being embarrassed tomorrow by what you are doing today.
Repeat: sometimes people aren’t going to like you, and you can’t do anything about it.
Engaging in an insult match with anyone about why you don’t suck is not a good look.
Negativity hunting doesn’t lead to self-improvement or personal growth.
Why spend time and energy doing something counterproductive to what’s good for you? There is no answer other than it makes us feel good in the short term. Long term, though, we usually feel worse than before we started because we’re embarrassed by our own shortcomings (the reason for the hating in the first place) and how we handled it (the act of hating).
It’s okay that not everyone likes you. And you don’t have to like everyone, either. But use your time and energy to build things instead of tearing them down. Nothing ever came from
Reputation is important, but I wouldn’t say that’s the most important reason for sucking it up. There’s the mental toughness that develops and keeps you nailing your goals even as obstacles pop up. When the pain is nothing more than a memory, you’ll be so happy you fought through it. Proud, even.
Well, listen to me: don’t give up! First off, failure is so subjective that sometimes it’s hard to define. Is failure not getting what you wanted? But what if you get something better (even if you don’t realize it at the time)?
