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February 13 - February 13, 2019
encouraged us to question everyday “patriotic” language.
He made us so aware of racial bias, we could no longer watch the news as leisure.
wanted us to be emotionally connected to our learning, to sit in the pain, the horror, the absurdity of America’s racist history, and to humanize those who dared stand against the system.
Lament, emotion, pain
fearless. I thought any future encounters of racism would rear their ugly heads like purple dragons, and I had no doubt in my ability to slay racist nonsense wherever I found it. I was so wrong.
In school I had been surrounded by whiteness, but colleges often encourage students to question authority, to navigate cultural conflicts, to be creative in starting alternative organizations and clubs.
at some basic level it is expected that students push those boundaries,
“Why don’t we want assimilation? Isn’t that the point of an organization’s culture? Don’t we want to bring in people of diverse backgrounds and then become one unified organization?”
How could I possibly explain that the unity he desired always came at my expense?
How do we build a culture where unity doesn't occur at the expense of the minority or oppressed?
suspecting that the organization wanted our racial diversity without our diversity of thought and culture.
The role of a bridge builder sounds appealing until it becomes clear how often that bridge is your broken back.
How many Black bodies must be present for us to have “good” diversity numbers? How many people of color are needed for the website, the commercials, the pamphlets?
Whiteness constantly polices the expressions of Blackness allowed within its walls, attempting to accrue no more than what’s necessary to affirm itself. It
Even diversity constructed so its self-serving to whiteness
wants to pat itself on the back for helping poor Black folks through missions or urban projects but has no interest in learning from Black people’s wisdom, talent, and spiritual depth.
LEARN from POC
The message: I am responsible for the feelings of white people, and my boss will not defend me
My tone will be interpreted as angry, even if I’m just feeling hurt or misunderstood. My actual feelings are irrelevant and could be used as reason to fire me.
No one asks or considers her feelings
my warm coffee reminding me that I am not in the sunken place.
“I think what Austin is trying to say is…” Suddenly everyone is nodding in agreement even though I’m pretty sure she repeated me almost word for word. The message: I need white approval and interpretation before my idea will be considered good.
People dont listen until a whute person says or affirms it
grown used to hearing the response “Well, why don’t you just leave if you don’t like it here?”
it’s highly privileged to believe that Black women can just quit and find another place to work without missing paychecks or losing benefits. Just changing jobs is rarely that simple.
include keeping folders in our in-boxes where we place every single email that praises our project, attitude, or giftedness. This is not for our self-esteem; it’s an insurance policy, because we know there are emails being sent to our bosses that say the opposite.
those of us who work for white Christians are asked the question Are you sure God has really called you…here?
This is convenient, because it allows the people in charge to wash their hands of the conflict.
the suggestion that I assimilate
Sometimes it sound...
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They ask not that I would be understood but that I would find it within myself to give more grace. The prayers don’t ask that doors would open for me; they ask that God would gift me with skills they wish I had. These prayers aren’t for me. The prayers are that I would become who they want me to be.
in the end, this is never enough. The ultimate expectation is that I will come to realize that white ways of thinking, behaving, communicating, and understanding the world are to be valued above all
Code switching isnt enough - must affirm supremacy
I am enlivened by our stories of survival.
we are creators. We are pioneers of language itself. We invent new words and kill old ones. We smash syllables together and watch them reverberate across the nation.
Creators and pioneers of language - beautiful phrasing
our hair believes in being free to do what she wants.
They are prophets speaking a word when it seems God is silent.
The person who’s in control, setting the standards, handing out the grades, making the moral commands, is usually someone who looks like them.
Motst white people have only experienced operating under the authority of other white people
being the first Black woman authority figure in a white person’s world can be…intense.
for the next twenty minutes, he raged at me, teaching me everything he thought he knew about Black boys in the hood.
he pivoted. “Who is really in charge here?”
white people become disturbed because they often can’t fathom Black people have something important to teach them about themselves and about the world.
instead of recognizing that I am flesh, blood, emotion, real, a human, he had taken all these things for granted, speaking to me in a way that he wouldn’t have to anyone who looked like him.
It ignores the personhood of people of color and instead makes the feelings of whiteness the most important thing.
Elevates white feelings over black experiences
If Black people are dying in the street, we must consult with white feelings before naming the evils of police brutality.
If white family members are being racist, we must take Grandpa’s feelings into account before we proclaim our objections to such speech.
before I knew it, the conversation became about the feelings of the white man and what I could have done to calm him down.
Perhaps if I had done something magically obvious, something simple—something they surely would have done—maybe the white man would have been less irate, less threatening toward me.
how I should have taken care of those feelings, changed those feelings so that I would have been safe.
Her safety relegated to a secondary concern behind the man's feelings
this grown man is responsible for his own feelings. And there is no circumstance under which his behavior would be tolerated if used against any other teacher or speaker. Austin
Hes respinsible for his feelings and actions. And his actions wouldnt be tolerated.
short-term missions site on the West Side of Chicago. Our program was located in a Black neighborhood and intentionally brought students to learn about all the amazing ways God was already working in Black neighborhoods through Black people.
orientation. I needed a second. I knew from the woman’s reaction that this was going to be awful. It was.
Little did they know, my first priority was protecting the nonprofits. I refused to allow their toxic ideas and offensive assumptions anywhere near the organizations, the people, I loved.
How far should I have gone to manage their fears? At what point did the group become not only a nuisance but a detriment to the community I love?
Constant questions of how much to accommodate, how much to ignore or accept or educate. This sounds utterly exhausting.
The girl’s father, who was accompanying the group, asked his daughter to turn around. “What would you think of those guys if you hadn’t just spent the afternoon with them?”
cannot control expressions of white fragility. Each group was responsible for their own reaction. One indulged their fragility, the other resisted it.
To point out that I am always aware of my color, even with her and our fellow co-workers, would have been too much for that moment.
