Without Merit

by Colleen Hoover

A good strong Colleen Hoover name

He smiles and whispers, “You bury me.”

Very normal thing for a grown man to say to a high school kid he’s just met, we’re off to a flying start here

Sagan? Even his name is perfect.

PERFECT FOR WHAT?

“If silence were a river, your tongue would be the boat.”

Girl what are you YAPPING about

Are you one of those people that’s better at everything than everyone else? Like Adam Levine?

Adam Levine is your example??????? Maroon 5 man???? Adam Levine who wrote SUGAR??? Babe

“So that makes me . . . your uncle?” “Step-uncle.” I walk through the front door and toss the bag of dog food onto the floor. Luck stands in the doorway as he runs a hand through his hair and then grips the back of his neck. “I already pictured you naked,” he mutters.

CALL THE COPS IVE HAD ENOUGH

I just really like the name Sagan. It’s smart and sexy and I don’t want it to fit him, but it does.

This isn’t even in character it’s just Colleen explaining her crimes to her editors

I finish changing clothes, but I don’t bother brushing my hair or applying makeup like Honor did. I just don’t care as much as she does.

She’s just not LIKE those OTHER GIRLS

Sadly, I’m probably the only virgin out of this whole group.

Stop the presses everyone she’s p u r r

“No. I’m your uncle.” “Step-uncle.” “Not any better.” “It’s by marriage.”

I’m sorry but if every single one of your books has some kind of incestual angle to it you should check yourself into a facility

Never mind the fact that Wolfgang’s head is in my lap and now Sagan’s hand is touching something on my lap and what is oxygen?

fuck offffff

“Without Merit,” I whisper to no one. “That’ll show ’em.”

Roll credits

“I’m sorry, Honor.” I sooth my hand over her hair

You sooth it??? Do we mean soothe or smooth here? Editor!!!!!!