Hate to Feel

by Chandler Morrison

According to Charissa, I’ve slept with half of the women in this office (and a few of the guys, as well).

HAAAAYYYY

From the corner of my eye, I catch a glimpse of Mandy stuffing her gross face with a greasy breakfast sandwich from McDonald’s. She’s looking at it the way lovers look at each other after spending a long time apart.

LOL i feel attacked!

And someone’s been leaving semen in the urinals.

Ew lmao

When people express concern over your well-being, it’s very rarely really genuine. They just want a reason to play amateur pseudo-psychologist. It’s ego masturbation.

Love will always get you hurt. You know that as well as I do. And since you clearly don’t love Amy, you should stay with her. You can’t get hurt in a loveless relationship. You don’t have anything to fight for. Nothing is at stake. With love, everything is at stake.”

I’ve found that most girls do exactly the same thing, and fuck the exact same kind of guys.

Again....i feel attacked lol

Shallow stupidity breeds shallow stupidity.

For all the joy I’ve felt in my life, be it through women or drugs or what have you, the comedown is always a billion times more intense. It just doesn’t seem worth it. Happiness doesn’t last, and it seems like the periods in between each spurt of happiness just grow increasingly longer. Begging the question, what’s the fucking point?

“People create stories about other people because they don’t want to acknowledge how boring their own lives are.”

Our sex life has always been of the strictly missionary/cowgirl variation of vanilla, and I like it that way. I’ve never been into kinky shit. Even the whole doggy-style thing turns me off.

Fucking laaaaameee! Grow up!!!

“Amy, listen...I, uh, well...um, I respect you. That kind of thing...tying you up, or blindfolding you, or whatever...that just seems so...disrespectful.”

EWWWWWW LMAO

“You’re only two years older than I am, Jack,” I say. “Don’t talk to me like I’m a fucking child.”

21 is a child lol

You seem to relish in your own misery. It’s like you’re just looking for a reason to fall apart. It’s incredibly stupid, Derek. It makes you look so fucking stupid.” And all I can say is, “But I...graduated high school with a three-point-two GPA.”

LMAO

The odd way her eyes crinkle up when she smiles. The way she snorts and hiccups when she laughs too hard. The bizarre, high-pitched whining noises she makes when she climaxes.

Fucking ass lmao

“Amy, I don’t love you.” FATALITY.

LMAOOOO

I’d had to go home and masturbate furiously. I cried afterward.

Fucking pussy lol

sipping Canadian Club,

Not a bad choice

It’s the first day I have to spend at the office without her, and I spend a good portion of the morning crying in the bathroom.

Omg lol wuss

It’s like ejaculating battery acid. I always cry afterward.

Bro.....stop crying!!!

“Well, shit,” Tamara says, her smile widening. “The world just keeps getting smaller and smaller. So, I’m fucking your sister, and now I’ve fucked you, so that makes you and April, like, Eskimo siblings, right? On top of being, like, regular siblings? That is so adorable.”

JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!!!!!!

“It’s deliciously fucked up,” she says, beaming in a way that frightens me a little. “I mean, eating fingernails definitely isn’t my thing, but who am I to judge what someone else does for fun?”

We dont kink shame in this house!

Someone once told me...I think it was Elsie, but I don’t remember...that you can only hate those you once loved. Obviously, I think that’s bullshit. I do, however, believe that the ones you once loved are the ones you end up hating the most.

she’d looked into my eyes when she’d climaxed, and I was quite convinced that our souls became conjoined.

She stands up on wobbling legs and opens her mouth to speak, but I raise my hand and say, “Shut up. We’re done here. Get your clothes and get the fuck out of my house.”

Damn lmao

I donate three very generous dollars and pat myself on the back.

LMAO

Death canonizes even the most awful of us. No one will speak ill of you when the dirt is still fresh upon your grave. It’s only once the grass starts to grow that everyone remembers what a piece of shit you were.

Shit. A cluster of large spheres of shit, alarming in how perfectly smooth and round they are. Hued light brown, and with what appear to be short, tiny fibers of hair that seem to be growing from them in some kind of awful, organic way. As though the shit is alive. Night of the Living Shitballs. Except, it’s daytime, and not even George Romero could conjure up something as nasty as this.

FUCK!!!! Gross lmao

A 3.2 GPA. Seriously, I’m not even joking. I’m smart, goddammit.

Omhg shut up!!!!!