Kindle Notes & Highlights
When comparing myself to all women, I feel lost and alien. When comparing myself to Autistic women, I feel some sense of belonging. True, we are very different. But so much of those differences are superficial things that don’t matter when it comes to finding real connection with others. I am not like my sisters; I am part of a deep connection of sisterhood we share.
Non-autistic people get to be considered worthy and valuable simply because they are living human beings. Do we not deserve the same? When people are valued only for what they can contribute to others, we are all constantly held on trial to prove our right to continue to exist in society. Value us because we are, because we exist, because we are your fellow human beings, not because you think that keeping us alive means one of us will discover the cure for cancer.
Forer Effect—that
believe, but please think carefully before laying these “burdens of specialness” on Autistic people. This is not autism acceptance—it is making Autistic people into a curiosity, setting us apart with “otherness” whether it is intellectual or spiritual. Rather than increasing autism acceptance, it sets up unrealistic expectations that are dehumanizing and that decrease our ability to get the assistance and accommodations we need.
“The past is never dead. It’s not even past.” – William Faulkner95 Something that doesn’t
The bottom line is this: Don’t take a hard attitude toward us. Don’t call us oversensitive—we have precisely the amount of sensitivity we have and you must not judge us for that.
process the change. Autistic people are not “engaging in bad behaviors” when we get triggered by things that seem insignificant to you. We are not being oversensitive. We are not “choosing to be upset” by something.
We’re human beings with imperfections just like everyone. But we are not “faking distress in order to manipulate” you as I have more than once seen a non-autistic person claim about an Autistic person’s very real breakdown.
certain groups of people do not respond as well biologically to dental anesthesia, including people with red hair and Autistic people;
explosion; the parent who constantly misjudges the motives of their Autistic child and punishes her for things beyond her ability to control.
If you catch yourself thinking or saying things like, “you just have to get used to that,” or “the world isn’t going to give you a free pass on this,” or “just buck up and deal with it,” stop yourself and remember how much we are already dealing with. Many of us are carrying years of deep wounds and we just need a break. We need to have a place we feel safe. We need to have a person we can trust.
not understand. If you are interacting with an Autistic person and you see defensiveness rising, don’t push. Slow down. Respect the underlying traumas you may not be able to see. Stay calm, centered, and compassionate. Let the Autistic person set the speed.
The late nineteenth-century Scottish theologian, Ian Maclaren, said, “be pitiful for every man is fighting a hard battle.” Take these words to heart and seek to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.
Some people focus on how hard it is for them to live with Autistic people. I hope those people can stop and realize how hard it is for Autistic people to live with them.
reports in medical journals, is that Autistics are at least three times more likely to have a sleep-wake disorder than the general population. If
If you are Autistic and blaming yourself for not complying with sleep treatments, stop being so hard on yourself. So often, I see Autistics second-guessing ourselves and feeling guilt or shame at not being able to do things we have convinced ourselves we “ought” to be able to do (or others have pressured us into accepting their view that we aren’t doing everything we could or should).
I encourage all my fellow Autistics to be gentle with themselves and not to succumb to the temptation to torture themselves in the name of living up to what others have suggested we “should” be able to do. Listen to your body. Respect your comfort levels.
Another common sleep treatment requires hours in front of a very bright therapy light. It’s very common for Autistic people to perceive very bright light as a painful sensory assault. I can just barely tolerate it; for others it is impossible. In my case, I find I get better results when I sleep outdoors and am awakened naturally by sunlight.
And it is a terrific example of just how distressing the standard sleep disorder treatments are to my nervous system when I prefer living outdoors to melatonin and therapy lamps.
Help us get better sleep if you can, but don’t blame us if we aren’t able to follow the usual prescription. Help us learn to fit our lives around our sleep in a way that works for us. Don’t ridicule us for finding unusual ways to make our unusual lives work.99 If you have a sleep-wake disorder yourself, don’t punish yourself about it. You really are trying hard and it really is something you can’t just fix with more discipline. Circadian rhythm disorders are
If you insist on false dichotomies such as “high functioning” and “low functioning” you will come to us with so many preconceived notions that you will cheat yourself of true learning and connection.
