Space Opera (Space Opera, #1)

by Catherynne M. Valente

“How about a cosmo?” he said sunnily. “I don’t even like them. I just want to see you make one, gorgeous.” The drooling space horror blinked several times, turned round to face the diverse bottles of booze on the back wall, picked up a dainty cocktail glass in his thick fingers, glared at it in fury, then turned back around and blinked a bit more. “So . . . yeah. How do I . . . you know . . . cosmo?” Decibel leaned conspiratorially across the bar. “Honestly, I don’t really know either. I think you sort of . . . interfere with a cranberry. Too complicated! Let’s go for something classic. Strong, manly, easy. Whiskey neat.” “Excellent choice.” Yilgar Bloodtub turned around again with the cocktail glass still in his hand. He stood there for several minutes. “And how do I make one of them?” “You . . . take a glass and put a lot of whiskey in it.” “Right, I get that, but how do I make the whiskey part? And the neat bit? I don’t really neat, if you know what I mean. I’m better at mutilate. Or impale.” “Fine, fine, doesn’t matter. Pint of lager. Nothing simpler.”