The Art Of Saying NO: How To Stand Your Ground, Reclaim Your Time And Energy, And Refuse To Be Taken For Granted (Without Feeling Guilty!) (The Art Of Living Well Book 1)

by Damon Zahariades

We have a limited number of hours to play with each day. That means every time we say yes to someone, we’re saying no to someone or something else. And every time we say no, we free ourselves to spend that time and attention on another person or interest.

Self-care isn’t selfish. It’s necessary.

There will always be someone who could benefit from your attention. There will always be people who will gladly accept your help if you offer it. But keep in mind, you’re not responsible for solving other people’s problems. You’re responsible for yourself and those who depend on you (e.g. your immediate family).

make sure that self-care has a higher priority than giving care.

It’s unsurprising that we often say yes when we know we should say no. It’s an instinctive response borne of our longing for other people’s approval.

the problem isn’t that we say yes to opportunities. The problem is that we fail to discriminate between the wrong opportunities and the right ones.

it’s always better to be clear when you decline requests. Don’t beat around the bush. Don’t equivocate, hoping that it’ll pacify the requestor (it won’t). Instead, be candid about your unwillingness to consent to his or her request.

The word “no” carries an air of finality. Many people are ill-prepared to hear it, and lack the ability to accept it with poise and understanding.

Every time we say “I can’t,” we train our minds to avoid taking responsibility. “I can’t” implies that we’re at the mercy of external constraints.

When you say no, give the requestor another option.

You're Not Responsible For Others' Reactions

Your Time And Interests Are Valuable

Saying No Doesn't Make You A Bad Person

Boundaries help us to better understand our loved ones. They encourage us to see our spouses and partners as unique individuals with unique feelings, passions, and interests. They make it easier to identify our loved ones’ needs. To that end, they discourage us from using guilt or manipulation to get what we desire.