The Art Of Saying NO: How To Stand Your Ground, Reclaim Your Time And Energy, And Refuse To Be Taken For Granted (Without Feeling Guilty!) (The Art Of Living Well Book 1)

by Damon Zahariades

Saying no to people is one of the most important skills you can develop. It frees you to pursue your own interests, both personal and professional. To that end, it’ll boost your productivity, improve your relationships, and fill you with a sense of confident calm that may seem alien to you at this moment.

The ability to say no is liberating.

Once you possess the ability to say no with confidence and grace, and do so with regularity, you’ll notice changes in how others perceive you. They’ll have more respect for you; they’ll place a greater value on your time; and they’ll come to see you as a leader rather than a follower.

Most people act out of self-interest; they naturally put their own priorities ahead of others’ priorities. But it means each of us is responsible for making sure our personal needs are met. No one is going to do it for us.

Being assertive means having the self-confidence to express your needs and wants, and pursue your own ends, even in the face of opposition.

As you learn to be more assertive, your mindset will change. You’ll become more willing to share your ideas with others. You’ll be more inclined to ask for things you need and want.

Healthy assertiveness is respectful. As we noted in the previous section, being assertive is nothing more than confidently communicating your position. Aggressiveness is belligerent. An aggressive individual communicates in a way that’s rude, dismissive, and even threatening.

Aggressiveness is often an impulse. An aggressive person responds in a hostile or inconsiderate manner, and often regrets doing so later. By contrast, assertiveness is planned, thoughtful, and considerate. An assertive person communicates his or her position with clarity while taking the other person’s feelings into account.

Reading and learning is only one part of the formula. The other part - arguably, the most important part - is applying what you learn. That’s when habits change and life becomes more rewarding.

I realized that as long as I was respectful to the individual asking for my help, I wasn’t responsible for any offense taken when I said no.

As long as you’re being courteous and candid, you’re not responsible for any offense taken by the requestor.