James Acaster's Classic Scrapes

by James Acaster

Guilt and fear, actually. I’d felt fear before, obviously. I was five and ever since I’d started school I’d been afraid of everyone and everything,

Sometimes it’s nice to confirm that the world is exactly as you thought it was and your role in it remains entirely the same.

Every time we tasted the wine he would ask us what flavours we were getting. Our answer, always, was ‘wine flavour’, as we had no idea.