Sometimes I Lie

by Alice Feeney

My name is Amber Reynolds. I am thirty-five years old. I’m married to Paul. I repeat these three things in my head, holding on to them tightly, as though they might save me, but I’m mindful that some part of the story is lost, the last few pages ripped out.

My name is Amber Reynolds! I’m a radio presenter! Why don’t you know who I am?

checking three times

Ocd?

can’t remember what happened to me, but I know, with unwavering certainty, that this man, my husband, had something to do with it.

There are three things that I have learned that I like about Taylor:

“No, I despised you! It felt like life was over and as though you had ruined everything, and all because we’d had too much to drink and not been careful! My mother looked after you for the first few weeks. I didn’t even want to look at you and everyone was worried that I would … not that I would have ever hurt you, I’m sure.”

“Paul has been arrested.”

recognize this place. I’ve been here before.

My parents are dead. I don’t know how you forget a thing like that, but I did. They were here in my hospital room, as real as anyone else, and yet they weren’t here at all. They can’t have been; they’ve been gone for over a year now.

and I just presumed that this was never going to happen. All that time we spent trying and now, when I’d given up, now I’m pregnant.

“I’m sorry to tell you that Madeline has sadly decided to leave the program for personal reasons and will no longer be presenting Coffee Morning.” Now the gasps come, including my own. Ding. Dong. The witch is Dead.

“We had an agreement,” I say. “If people knew what you…” Claire reaches across the table and takes my hand. Her grip is so tight that it hurts. “Just be careful, Amber.”

My name is Amber Taylor Reynolds. There are three things you should know about me: 1. I was in a coma. 2. My sister died in a tragic accident. 3. Sometimes I lie.