The Loneliest Girl in the Universe

by Lauren James

We have to choose what we object to very carefully.

Yep... you’re shady as f***, J I see what you’re trying to do. Are you a mole?!!

someone outside of a situation is never able to truly judge the best actions to take.

True, yes, but only up to a certain degree

I wake up gasping for breath.

Fucking hell!! I nearly had a heart attack

I abandon the beef in black bean sauce and eat some porridge instead, carefully pushing it over to the left side of my mouth so that it doesn’t touch my aching tooth. I can live with this. It’ll be fine. It really hurts.

Honey, nothing pertaining teeth ever do fine. Get onto it ASAP

These days I barely even remember to floss. I deserve this pain. I shine a flashlight into my mouth, staring at the painful tooth using a handheld mirror.

This is so relatable 😂 sorry Romy

But I know I’m not going to do this the easy way.

Uh-oh Nah-ah! Don’t do it Romy!!!

Four hours later, there are fragments of tooth, gum, and blood all over the sink.

I TOLD YOU SO!!!! (I was also having breakfast and I’m now completely nauseated)

I promise myself that I will floss twice a day, every single day, from now on. I am never doing that again.

Oh, we all go there Romy but memory is a fickle thing 😂

the UPR’s latest email,

The UPR can go f*** itself

Seventeen. I feel a lot older.

I bet you do, Romy, I bet you do.

I think about sex a lot. Objectively, the idea is kind of disgusting—especially when you start learning about STDs and fissures and enemas.

😂 The thought that she’s putting everything in the same bag is so real

I can’t decide whether all the gross parts would fade away if you’re with someone you really love, or whether you’d still notice things like smells and noises and stickiness, but the emotions overwhelm it all.

Hahahah! Hormones usually do the trick for you,Romy

J makes my heart feel like it’s purring in my chest.

Such a cute mental imagery 😊

I shave my legs, and only nick myself three times. My legs feel smooth for a day, and then start to itch. It surprises me how quickly the hair grows back; sharp and blacker than before.

Hahahahah 😂

When The Eternity arrives, I’ll be ready.

Oh boy...

I close my eyes and let them take me.

Mind games are effed up

I crawled under my duvet and waited, eyes closed, listening as hundreds of souls left their bodies. It was the loudest silence I have ever heard.

If she was four though... how was she aware of death and souls and such?

The astronauts all hate me for doing what they couldn’t and surviving. They whisper my name, shuddering, groaning, telling me that my parents’ failure is my failure, that I’m cursed because they couldn’t save them.

All the inane guilt. I can understand her mother struggling but not her. She was too young , Right?

You just need to install the software I’ve attached,

🧐🤨do. Not. Trust. Him.

I install the software he’s sent me, which is a subsystem NASA mustn’t have thought worth installing.

Think about it!!!!!! My god!!! Raging hormones 🥵

I spoke to J, and it was nothing like I’d imagined, and everything I’ve ever wanted. He’s so perfect. He’s so real. I can’t wait to meet him.

Oh... don’t think he’s real at all, Romy!! There’s always a plot afoot!!! Arghhhh

I’m about to shut down the map when another icon pops up on the screen. It’s labeled UPR. It’s in the same place as The Eternity.

I fucking told you!!!! It’s all a ruse!!! Gahhhhhh *tears hair

Someone on The Eternity has been sending emails to me as the UPR. No. It’s insane. Even just the idea is a betrayal of J, of our friendship. I don’t believe it. There’s no way in the universe that J—my lovely, sweet, considerate J—would ever, ever do anything like this. He would never hurt me. Would he?

Yes, he would!!!!!

Those last few messages from her, telling me about NASA’s communication problems and the war—they were emails, I realize in horror. Not her normal audio messages. I never heard her voice—her actual voice—say anything about the war. Only the emails did. The ones from The Eternity. Was there ever even a war at all? Was the whole thing made up? Is the UPR even real? Or is it— Is it fake?

Ohhhh boy!!

There’s no way that it was J. It’s impossible. But someone made it up. Someone has been lying to me. Someone on The Eternity. And—however much I wish it wasn’t the case—that means it can only be him.

Yep. Pretty much... Now wake up!!!! Do some sh*t!!

I’ve wasted so much time following his stupid, pointless rules. I can’t let him control me. Not anymore. The most I can do is limit the OS’s permissions to make sure it doesn’t do anything dangerous,

Oh, Romy...

It’s sickening.

It bloody well is!!!! 😡

I find ten more lines, taken word for word from Jayden’s dialogue in my other fics.

Oh cooooourse he did that!!!! Bastard!!! 😒

Why would he spend all this time playing with me? Who am I talking to?

Indeed who 🤔

He’s been trying to destroy me, piece by careful piece, while I romanticized every second of it.

Welcome to the realm of effed up relationships

through J’s operating system, I found an audio file hidden in the coding. The room filled with the sound of fingernails scratching across metal

The bastard 😡

the past is much less scary than the future. I know what’s already happened; I know how bad it was. I don’t know what’s coming, though.

So true!!!

I hope I never find out.

Is she still there????

I’m not going to give up. I’m not going to sit back and wait for J to find me and play more of his games. I’m going to fight. I’m going to do whatever it takes to survive.

Yeah Romyyyyyy

VESSEL CONNECTED SUCCESSFULLY AIRLOCK SEAL DECOMPRESSING

Fuuuuuuck

the front of the pod: Crew Member: Lucy Shoreditch. I trace my fingers over the engraving. Shoreditch. Like . . . J?

Ohhhhhh 🤔

But this wasn’t a lie: he really does watch the show.

A good liar mingles truth and lie. That’s what makes it so hard to catch them

The UPR are real. I can see why you would hope they weren’t, though. I wish they weren’t too.” “But—the coordinates . . .” He frowns. “All messages from Earth have to be retransmitted to you from The Eternity’s transponder, because my ship blocks the path of the signal from there. The messages wouldn’t reach you otherwise.

Oh... hadn’t thought of that

He’s standing in front of a wall. A mint-green wall. Mint. Green. I know every inch of my ship.

Holly shit!!!! HES A LIAR

What does he want from me? Is he just torturing me for fun, twisting me around his little finger? Does he like seeing how easily he can persuade me to forgive him? If I went to him, would he kill me, or would he keep turning good and bad, making me love him and hate him over and over for the sake of it? I have no idea. I can’t understand what he’s trying to do. What kind of person thinks like him?

Romy, honey, you’ve just described every abusive relationship right now. Yes.

CONFIDE EMOTIONALLY IN R TO ACHIEVE THIS.

You are one sick bastard, J!!!!

He lied again, then. If Molly is still emailing him, the UPR can’t exist. He made them up, just as I suspected.

Fucking hell I also believed him!!!

Commander Shoreditch and Pilot Evans

Pilot Evans?!!! Did J kill him!!!? Omg where is he???

I don’t hesitate. I bend down and thrust the scalpel up into the side of his stomach.

😮