The Road Between

by Courtney Peppernell

The road between is the road you take from losing yourself to finding yourself

Even if you cannot see the pain it still exists A tree can be tall with pretty leaves but underneath the soil the roots are dying

Things that make me Sad Not everyone has a home Children are still victims of war Gay is still used as an insult Some people don’t live to see things get better Some women are scared to walk the streets alone Some people of color too There is all this money in the world but poverty exists Some leaders are so selfish they do what’s best for themselves and not for the world

It feels like my life is just passing by, gone with the current and the wind And I’m fighting for my right to continue asking why things happen and people always leave, and I’m left to sit under the sky thinking about...

But sometimes people just need space It’s nothing personal You jus...

When they told you how much they were suffering, you responded by holding out your hand But sometimes pain weighs too much And worse than being too heavy to carry, it’s contagious

It doesn’t matter what you look like if you love they, her, or him It doesn’t matter where you are from or the color of your skin Your heart will still break the same way

They say shots of whiskey can cure heartache But the burn isn’t as agonizing as standing in my bedroom alone looking at all the empty spaces your belongings once filled

I am still looking for the parts of you that don’t exist anymore

It will eat away at you until the day comes when you realize you need to move on because they’ve been living their life without you

I knew you were leaving It was never the arguing or the fading I love yous It was the way you looked at me like you were tired and we were never meant to be

You don’t get to spend all that time learning someone only to bring them undone with all the knowledge you have gained

All the things I had your sweater your shirt your heart I returned to you But I am still waiting searching for the parts of me you stole

It was real in those moments you thought would be forever. But a heartbreak later and more tears than you ever imagined, suddenly you are trying to convince yourself it never happened.

It’s late and you keep asking for me back Because you think you still love me. If you’re lonely and want someone to think about Think about someone else.

When you are young, people try to tell you that you haven’t lived on this earth long enough to feel the things you do. But butterflies only live for a moment, and I imagine a world of excitement and heartache lived from the instant they spread their wings.

Life isn’t always about being in control. I knew a girl who lost herself once. She went so far into the woods I didn’t think she would find the light to return. But sometimes people just need to stay in the darkness for a while. It’s okay to be sad and quiet.

Your soul is a home and when it aches you need to dust all its parts and remind your heart to try again

But this is why I say it. Because you are not a burden. You are not a darkness that no person wants to love.

The ache that sits between your rib cage, it will renew you. Ache now, love later.

It’s the goodbyes that stay with us.

You are a kaleidoscope of colors that deserve more Keep holding on You will survive this war

“I have a daughter,” she says But this is not true for she is blind to compassion and cannot let go of the things she knew And her words ache a mother holding a gun For she has no daughter only a son

All this pressure to be a certain way turns you into a shell Forgotten Hidden Lost a prisoner in a cell Mercy is to be allowed to go free

Darling, you were born from a star.

I am learning to press love into my skin instead of opening old wounds and letting all the angry energy in I am finding light in this reckoning dusting my bones from this painful ash I am no more in denial about who I ought to be than the universe is of all its stars when the comet begged to be free

My soul has been unearthed from deep within the soil And my bones feel like ashes charred, empty, spoiled We have marched forward toward light and love And yet we are still met with picket lines and politics with angry words and ways too deeply set And in the night I reach for her she keeps me safe My other half to help carry this weight just a reminder our love should not be a debate

There is nothing a sky full of stars cannot teach a conversation in moonlight a sunset on a deserted beach You are capable of anything Keep your goals in sight

Behind my eyes is a galaxy of swirling stars and a sky that changes with the weather And I’m begging the world to come back to its roots I’m dreaming of the day we can all exist together in peace

The night is dotted with stars and I imagine them as fireflies of hope blanketing the earth

Self-worth is very strange We spend hours convincing others to have it And not enough time convincing ourselves

And she wondered if pain was laced with gold how many people would want it

To love another without selfishness is the highest act of love

Just because you don’t fight fire with fire, doesn’t mean you are weak. Sometimes choosing to be the bigger person takes more courage than giving in to the bitter words we so often speak. There can be power in silence.

Sometimes you choose to never speak to someone again. That someone could be an old lover or an old friend. It’s not because you are bitter or angry. It’s not because you haven’t forgiven. It’s because you haven’t forgotten. How they tried to take away the best parts of you. Surviving someone is enough reason to remove them from your life.

You don’t need to thank someone because you’re hard to love They love you because it’s hard not to

I think you are infinite the way you hold yourself how smart you are all these stories you have each bruise and every scar

Just because someone else doesn’t validate you doesn’t mean you can’t validate yourself

If they can justify why they broke your heart, they are not sincere. If they can continuously turn your pain into pain of their own, they are not sincere. Selfish people will find reasons and excuses. They will turn themselves into the victim time and time again because they do not want to take responsibility for the guilt.

There is purpose to the pain and it is not to wish it upon others Hurting someone else won’t heal the holes in your heart

Forgiving them won’t always stop the ache. When you let someone into your heart and they make a mess, you don’t have to keep them in your life. Remove what is toxic. You are better off without it.

Scars show a journey, but first the wounds need to close.

The grief feels like lightning never striking the same place twice but rather striking every part of my heart until it’s shattered in so many pieces I am unsure how to gather them all again

Even pain must wonder why it has a role to play

Someone once told me that the art of healing lies in how many times you can stop yourself from crying. But I think it’s more than that; I think it’s how hard you can cry...

But sometimes it’s not about changing it’s about accepting that not all things can be changed

You can’t hide the things that lay deep within your soul. They become a part of you. They are your journey, the other side to your whole.

You are not weak in those quiet moments you have to yourself. All the pain you carry inside you will be stardust soon, for you to store upon your shelf.

The world is a constellation and even if sometimes you see yourself as a tiny star you are a link that makes the universe turn over It would not be the same without you

Healing isn’t always soft. It can be loud and come in waves of angry tears. It won’t always follow your rules, and on some days it may even bring out your deepest fears. It will feel like things are falling apart and the world sees you as a ghost. You will beg your house to burn down with you in it, just to stop feeling so lost. But beneath each breath is a small new start. A tiny margin of hope, when it feels like the healing becomes further and further apart. Because on each day you take a breath and admire all your rough edges, you step closer to realizing that there is no right or wrong in your healing. The hope will grow, your strength will sprout, and you will understand there is validation to your feelings.