It's OK That You're Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand

by Megan Devine

In that pause, you get to decide what the best course of action truly is. Acknowledgment of the reality of pain is usually a far better response than trying to fix it. Bearing witness is what is most called for. Does your friend need to be heard? Do they need to have the reality of the pure, utter suckage of this validated and mirrored back to them? It seems counterintuitive, but the way to truly be helpful to someone in pain is to let them have their pain. Let them share the reality of how much this hurts, how hard this is, without jumping in to clean it up, make it smaller, or make it go away. That pause between the impulse to help and taking action lets you come to pain with skill, and with love. That pause lets you remember that your role is that of witness, not problem solver.