It's OK That You're Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand

by Megan Devine

When we say that the Buddha taught, “All life is suffering, and the way to escape suffering is to embrace impermanence,” he wasn’t saying, “Please pretend you see no suffering; please pretend you aren’t in pain.” He wasn’t saying, “If you’d just let go of your attachments, nothing would hurt.” He saw suffering. He saw pain. He wanted to find a way to stay present and respond. To respond without flinching. Without turning away from the abyss of pain present in the world. The Buddha saw pain. He asked: “What can I do to not lose my mind and my heart, here? How can I keep both eyes and heart open without being consumed by this? How can I keep my gaze steady on that which cannot be fixed?” His response—in my mind anyway—was love. Love with open hands, with an open heart, knowing that what is given to you will die. It will change. Love anyway. You will witness incredible pain in this life. Love anyway. Find a way to live here, beside that knowledge. Include that knowledge. Love through that. Be willing to not turn away from the pain of this world—pain in yourself or in others.