It's OK That You're Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand

by Megan Devine

Companionship inside loss is one of the best indicators, not of “recovery,” but of survival. Survival can be forged on your own, certainly, but it’s so much easier when you travel with a wider tribe of grieving hearts.

APPENDIX How to Help a Grieving Friend

1. Grief belongs to the griever.

2. Stay present and state the truth.

3. Do not try to fix the unfixable.

4. Be willing to witness searing, unbearable pain.

5. This is not about you. Being with someone in pain is not easy. You will have things come up—stresses, questions, anger, fear, guilt. Your feelings will likely be hurt. You may feel ignored and unappreciated. Your friend cannot show up for their part of the relationship very well. Please don’t take it personally,

6. Anticipate, don’t ask.

7. Do the recurring things.

8. Tackle projects together.

9. Run interference.

10. Educate and advocate.

11. Love.