It's OK That You're Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand

by Megan Devine

Of course you’re anxious. After a death or other massive loss, the whole concept of “safety” gets really sketchy. You can’t rely on old comforts of believing that your fears are unlikely to come true. You can’t lean on the statistically low risk of certain illnesses or accidents happening. Just because you saw your people half an hour ago does not mean they’re still OK now. When the ordinary safety of the world has already failed you, how can you ever feel safe here again? It’s not that anxiety is wrong; it’s more that it’s not effective in creating the safety you seek. Here’s the thing: no matter what your anxiety tells you, rehearsing disaster will not make you safe. Repeatedly checking in with people to be sure they’re still safe will never create a lasting sense of safety.