When you choose to find meaning or growth inside your loss, that’s an act of personal sovereignty and self-knowledge. When someone else ascribes growth or meaning to your loss, it diminishes your power, gives subtle shaming or judgment to who you were before, and tells you that you needed this somehow. No wonder it feels so bad. Words of comfort that imply you needed this, that you needed whatever has happened to rip open your world, can never be of comfort. They’re lies. And lies never feel good.
