First, We Make the Beast Beautiful: A New Journey Through Anxiety—A Personal Journey Through Anxiety and Self-Discovery

by Sarah Wilson

American Buddhist nun Pema ChÖdrÖn (who cites her two marriage breakdowns in her twenties as the catalysts to her own spiritual and anxious journey) defines anxiety as resisting joining the unknown.

“To see that you are light you must first go out into the dark.”

Because anxiety, eventually and inevitably, makes us sit in our shit. It takes us there, to the darkness. It forces us to do the journey. And only then can we see what we were looking for. We can see the truth. We see it all as it is.

We can view anxiety as something to accept and live with. Sure, this is important. But I reckon we can make the beast more beautiful than that. I prefer to say (to quote Shai from one of the forums again) “anxiety is my superpower.”

Indeed, I’d say anxiety creates the resilience to thrive in this life. Anxiety is a beautiful thing.

When my anxiety gets bad, I stay with the pain. I don’t flee; I ride it out. I watch it. I cope. The rest of the time, I prepare, I buttress, I loosen the knots, I modulate, I build muscle with little right moves. And all the time I’m coming in closer, I’m understanding. I’m having the better journey.

That’s where this better journey takes you, into a space where you keep being rendered choiceless and forced to soften.

I am anxious often. But it’s kept in check if I don’t get anxious about being anxious.