Exactly What to Say: The Magic Words for Influence and Impact

by Phil M. Jones

Opening a statement with the words, “I’m not sure if it’s for you,” causes the listener’s subconscious brain to hear, “There’s no pressure here.” By suggesting that they may not be interested, you naturally increase their intrigue. They wonder what “it” is, and this spike in curiosity hooks them. What’s more, it fires an internal driver that tells them a decision needs to be made, and the soft approach ensures this decision feels unpressured and internal.

When introducing a brand-new idea to a stranger, friend, prospect or team member, using the words, “How open-minded are you?” and following up that sentence with a scenario you want them to opt into allows you to naturally attract people toward the very thing that you are looking for their support with.

How open-minded are you about increasing your monthly income?

The best way to overcome this kind of conflict is not to win the argument; instead, you must question the knowledge on which the other person’s opinion was founded.

“What do you know about...?” that softly threatens their knowledge base and forces them to share the reference on which their argument is based.

If you want people to do things that typically they do not want to do, first you need to find an honest reason that is big enough. Understanding what reasons are big enough means you have to understand how people are motivated.

People are motivated by one of two things: either avoiding a loss or acquiring a potential gain. They

The real world tells us that people will work far harder to avoid a potential loss than they will to achieve a potential gain. Greater than that is the fact that the more contrast you can create between where somebody does not want to be and where they hope to be, the more likely you are to get people to move.

People make decisions based on what feels right first. If you can make it feel right, the rest is easy.

How would you feel if...?” you allow the other person to time travel to that moment and imagine the emotions that would be triggered at that point.

“How would you feel if...?” gets people excited about their future and gives them a reason to move either toward the good news or away from the bad news. Remember, the greater the contrast, the more likely you are to get that someone to move.

People make decisions based on the images they see in their minds, so if you can place pictures in people’s minds, then you can use the results of those images to influence their decisions.

Creating pictures in the minds of others is done by telling stories. When you hear “Just imagine,” the brain pictures the very scenario you are creating.

“When would be a good time to...?” you prompt the other person to subconsciously assume that there will be a good time and that no is not an option.

It is this kind of direct question that prevents people from telling you that they have not got the time and, as a result, helps you avoid one of the biggest objections people face.

The preface “When would be a good time to...?” prompts the other person to assume that there will be a good time and that no is not an option.

By pushing for the negative scenario, you get people to rise to the positive or to tell you how they are going to fix the thing they said they were going to do.

By pushing for the negative scenario, you get them to rise to the positive or to tell you how they are going to fix the thing they said they were going to do, because most people are people of their word and feel pretty bad when they are called out for it.

“What questions do you have for me?” A simple change of wording moves this from out of your control to completely in your control. Swap the phrase, “Do you have any questions?” with the improved, “What questions do you have for me?” The minute you assume an outcome, the easiest response for them to give is that they have no questions.

“What’s the best number to contact you at?” results in people effortlessly giving you the information you requested.

“What’s going to be easier for you?” means that the laborious new-job option is off the table. Since staying put was already off the table, the only option they have left is the easy one—the one you want them to pick; the one you left to the end and stacked in your favor because you made that the path of least resistance. So, start with, “You have three options,” finish with, “What’s going to be easier for you?” and watch people effortlessly pick the choice that previously they were finding so difficult to make.

Now your role is to deliver them two choices and make one of them stand out as the easy option.

Prefacing a statement with the Magic Words, “I bet you’re a bit like me,” quite often results in the other person comfortably agreeing with what you are saying, providing that you are reasonable.

“I bet you’re a bit like me” often result in the other person comfortably agreeing with you.

As a consequence, creating a scenario using the preface “if” and adding a second scenario with the preface “then” means that people are highly likely to believe the outcome.