The Motivation Myth: How High Achievers Really Set Themselves Up to Win

by Jeff Haden

The key is to understand how motivation works. There is only one recipe for gaining motivation: success. Specifically, the dopamine hits we get when we observe ourselves making progress. Not huge, life-changing successes. Those come all too infrequently, if ever. If you want to stay motivated, if you want to stay on track, if you want to keep making progress toward the things you hope to achieve, the key is to enjoy small, seemingly minor successes—but on a regular basis.

Motivation is something you get, from yourself, automatically, from feeling good about achieving small successes. Success is a process. Success is repeatable and predictable. Success has less to do with hoping and praying and strategizing than with diligently doing (after a little strategizing, sure): doing the right things, the right way, over and over and over.

When you consistently do the right things, success is predictable. Success is inevitable. You just can’t think about it too much. No obsessing allowed.

A slice of satisfaction, fulfillment, and happiness can be found in the achievement . . . but the real source of consistent, lasting happiness lies in the process.

Incredibly successful people set a goal and then focus all their attention on the process necessary to achieve that goal. They set a goal and then, surprisingly, they forget the goal. Sure, the goal is still out there. But what

They feel good about themselves because they’ve accomplished what they set out to do today, and that sense of accomplishment gives them all the motivation they need to do what they need to do when tomorrow comes—because success, even tiny, incremental success, is the best motivational tool of all.

The key is to enjoy the feeling of success that comes from improving in some small way . . . and then rinse and repeat, over and over again.

You feel motivated because you took action. Motivation is a result, not a precondition. You don’t need motivation to break a sweat. Break a sweat and you’ll feel motivated.

Success → Motivation → More Success → More Motivation → More Success = Becoming

Everyone has goals. The people who actually achieve their goals create routines. They build systems. They consistently take the steps that, in time, will ensure they reach their ultimate goal. They don’t wish. They don’t hope. They just do what their plan says, consistently and without fail. They forget the goal and focus solely on the process. (We’ll talk a lot—and I do mean a lot—about processes later on.)

Dream big. Set a huge goal. Commit to your huge goal. Create a process that ensures you can reach your goal. Then forget about your huge goal and work your process instead.

1. Don’t talk a lot.

2. Don’t blame.

3. Don’t try to impress.

4. Don’t interrupt.

5. Don’t control.

6. Don’t preach.

7. Don’t dwell on the past.

HOW TO CREATE A SUCCESSFUL PROCESS

By the time you’ve mapped out your process, you’ll be incredibly motivated to get started.

So what is the best way to say no to yourself? It’s easy: Stop saying “can’t” and start saying “don’t.”

Participants told to say “I can’t” gave in to the temptation 61 percent of the time. Participants told to say “I don’t” gave in to the temptation 36 percent of the time.

one group was told to say, “I can’t miss my workout.” Another group was told to say, “I don’t miss my workouts.” (The control group was not given a temptation-avoidance strategy.)

One out of ten “I can’t” group members stuck to their goal. Eight out of ten “I don’t” group members stuck to their goal.

Why? According to the researchers, “The refusal frame ‘I don’t’ is more persuasive than the refusal frame ‘I can’t’ because the former connotes conviction to a higher degree. . . . Perceived conviction mediates the influence of refusal frame on persuasiveness.”

Which of the following sound more powerful and affirmational? “I can’t skip my workout today” or “I don’t miss workouts”? “I can’t give you a discount” or “We don’t discount our products”? “I can’t make time for that, so sorry” or “I don’t have a single open slot in my calendar”?

That is the person you are. Use the power of language to help turn what you want to be into who you are. Use the power of language to forge a new—and better—identity for yourself.

A quote often attributed to Jim Rohn goes, There are two types of pain you will go through in life: the pain of discipline and the pain of regret. Discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons. Sure, the work is hard. Sure, the work is painful—but it’s significantly less painful than thinking back on what will never be.

Be “unrealistic” when you set a goal, and then be realistic about how you will achieve that goal. Then your goal will become realistic, because you have a plan in place that will allow you to achieve that goal. Dream as big as you like. Then make sure your plan matches your dream.

Extreme Productivity Day

When I worked in a factory, we typically worked eight-hour shifts. The hours before lunchtime dragged, and the last couple of hours of each day always felt like death. But when we worked twelve-hour shifts, the morning hours somehow seemed to fly by. Something about knowing you’ll be working for a long time allows you to stop checking the clock; it’s as if you naturally find your Zen (work)place.

When you know you’re in for a long haul, your mind automatically adapts. Trust me. It works.

The most effective people apply the same framework to the decisions they make. “Will this help me reach my goal? If not, I won’t do it.”

Say you don’t just want to exercise. Say you want to be fit. Then imagine you’re out to dinner and the waiter asks about dessert. Would a fit person have dessert? Probably not. On the other hand, if you’re a fit person who has run fourteen miles that day and burned a ton of calories, and dessert tonight fits within your routine and your process, then the answer is yes. Either way, you know the answer—without thinking.

And that means you don’t need to rely on willpower or motivation, because you made the choice before the choice was ever presented to you.

Do what the pros do: Find a person who challenges you. Find a person who lays out a process so seemingly daunting, so seemingly insurmountable, a course wherein the there seems insurmountable but so does the here . . . and who helps you achieve something you never dreamed you could.