One Beautiful Dream: The Rollicking Tale of Family Chaos, Personal Passions, and Saying Yes to Them Both

by Jennifer Fulwiler

When I did this kind of work, it was as if some dormant part of me came alive. It was more than just a hobby; it felt like a way of connecting with the world—the way I was meant to connect with the world. It was my theory that everyone has some kind of skill or hobby like this, like my programmer friend who had a side business making scented candles, or my grandfather, an engineer who became a self-taught gourmet chef in retirement. Joe’s friend Keith called this a “blue flame,” the passion that ignites a fire within you when you do it. Writing, storytelling—this was my blue flame.

Queso blanco vs. queso flameado—important differences.)

There was a saying in Catholic circles that “every baby comes with a loaf of bread under its arms.”

blob.” “My blog?” “Yeah, your blob or blog or whatever. You sure did seem to like that thing.” She spoke of it as if it were a tangible object, which she may very well have imagined it to be.

blogs and your Facepages

Sure, Joe said I should do it, but he didn’t regularly spend hours agonizing about his philosophical stance on the ideal parent/child relationship, so his opinion was suspect.

Now, for the first time, I dared to ask: What if there’s no conflict? What if these things actually go hand-in-hand? Being part of the creation of new life was an experience of God. Yet I also felt something similar in my work. It astounded me whenever I considered that only the creatures made in the image of the Creator can create. Among all the animals on earth, humans alone have the gift of creativity—and, as people had experienced through the millennia, to use this gift is to experience something of God. Now I wondered: What if all desires to create—both with children and with work—are, in fact, all pointed in the same direction? What if both are different but complementary ways of getting in touch with the ultimate Source of creativity? What if following your God-given passion is not just okay to do during the baby years, but actually something that has the potential to enhance your whole family’s life?

You must get plenty of quality sleep in order to do your best work. Write every day at the same time. Avoid all distractions. Consistency is key! Hit your word counts every day.

“Remember this,” he said. “Where there is no unity, there is no God. God is always calling us to connection, to unity, and if we don’t have that, we are not walking with God.” As he spoke, his face radiated joy as if a light had been switched on inside of him. He was one of those people who’s filled with an undefinable yet palpably present grace that makes you feel warm and safe.

“Do this work that God is calling you to do, but do it as one part of something bigger—your family.” His eyes shone with genuine concern. “Have you ever asked what work your family is supposed to do together?”

“We always think like individuals, like the work that we do has nothing to do with anyone else. God wants us to see what we do as just one small part of something greater . . .” “Like a symphony.” I didn’t mean to interrupt, but I finally understood what he was getting at, and the words escaped from my lips without me even realizing it. I imagined an orchestra belting out a Beethoven piece: each member plays her own tune but does it with the goal of creating something greater, with others. “Yes! Like that. Unite with your family. Bring them into what you do, and bring what you do into your family. Move in unity, not apart from one another.” My mind was on high alert so that I could absorb every word he said. “My child, if you do this, you will find joy—more joy than you can imagine. Don’t forget that.”

I’d been reading the work of Thomas Merton, a world-traveling agnostic who left everything to become a monk. One of his lines I’d highlighted came to mind now: “Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone—we find it with another. We do not discover the secret of our lives merely by study and calculation in our own isolated meditations. The meaning of our life is a secret that has to be revealed to us in love.”

you make time for your work as it fits into your family; you don’t make time for family as it fits into your work.

Life isn’t about having it all, but about being good at not having it all.

A nun once told me that her number-one rule in life was Never make decisions out of fear.

Its author, Steven Pressfield, put a name to the phenomenon of “Resistance.” Though Pressfield was not writing from a strictly religious stand-point, he elucidated the workings of an insidious force he’d encountered over and over again in his work as a screenwriter and bestselling author. He spoke of this malevolent entity that hates creation and wants only destruction. Resistance is that temptation that leads you to sit back and criticize others instead of following your own life’s calling; it’s the lost running shoes and malfunctioning alarms that make it so hard to start that new workout routine; it’s the fights that break out among well-meaning people in a powerful ministry at church; it’s the force that has stopped countless artists throughout the ages, repelling

them from their work like two similarly charged magnets. “Resistance obstructs movement only from a lower sphere to a higher,” Pressfield wrote. “It kicks in when we seek to pursue a calling in the arts, launch an innovative enterprise, or evolve to a high station morally, ethically, or spiritually.”

Archbishop Fulton Sheen once commented that “the history of civilization could actually be written in terms of the measure of its women.”

Maybe Resistance is trying to stop women from changing the world.

Igor Stravinsky said that “the more constraints one imposes, the more one frees oneself.” I’d come across the quote years before, but I only now got it. When water is confined in a narrow space like a tube or a ravine, it will rush forward with power; when it has infinite room to expand, it becomes a puddle. The same thing happens with our creative juices.

There is a tendency with anyone who loves any kind of work to fantasize that if you just had endless time for it, you’d be able to achieve perfection in this field. Yet what I’d discovered is that when you put love first, not only does your life improve, but your work improves. The

You can’t put your own life on hold over the long term; eventually, you’ll reach a breaking point where you simply have to take care of yourself. And if you perceive that tending to your own needs can never go hand-in-hand with serving, you’ll stop serving.