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“A true warrior fights for what’s in his heart.” His fingers trailed along my jaw before he stepped backward. “You may not see it now, but when the time comes for us to go to battle, you will be brave for your heart is bigger than any I know.”
Even at birth, we were tested for strength. As if that was all we were—expendable soldiers who held no other purpose in life but to kill and be killed.
Treating anyone with cruelty just for the status of their birth wasn’t honorable to me.
“As for you two,” he continued. “I put you against each other to observe your actions when given an order that went against your personal beliefs. As a warrior, you will face such challenges. I did not like what I saw.” His gruff tone held compassion, as did his eyes. “This barrier between you… tear it down and repair the connection I’ve seen you build over the years. In all my years of training ephebes, I have not once witnessed what you share.”
“It is not what you have done to me, but what you’ve done to yourself,” he answered, looking as if he didn’t recognize me. “Why can you not grasp the truth that slaves are below us? That you must fight or you will die. Your weakness, my friend, is caring too much. Your heart is kind, but this is no place to be of tender heart.”
And I fear that I will lose you, either to the god of death or to your inner demons.”
Attraction between two men was not rare in Sparta. Boys grew up together and bonded. We were required to live with members of our group until age thirty, even if one of us married before then, so it wasn’t out of the ordinary for sexual relationships to develop. Although common, it was rarely discussed.
“Seeing you fancy another was like a dagger to my heart, Axios. And I must confess that a part of me enjoyed slitting his throat.”
“Once a thing is broken, there is no mending it. Like this thread of grass. Parts of it lie in shreds at my feet, and nothing can again make it whole.”
“There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you,” he whispered, pressing his forehead to mine. “I would kill any man, go any distance, and burn the whole world down if it meant keeping you safe.”
Eryx might not be the cold-hearted beast the men wanted us to be, but he didn’t show his gentle side to anyone apart from me. To the rest of the world, he was stern and lacked compassion. He was disciplined and unwavering in his ability to strike a man down. The perfect makings of a soldier—a leader. But to me… he was my home.
I might not have known if I’d die for Sparta, but I knew for certain I’d lay down my life for his.
“Not even death could keep me from you. My soul will forever find yours. In this life and the next.”
Our views on life and devotion toward Sparta clashed, but our loyalty lied with each other, as it always had… and always would.
“Such a shame you were born a Spartan,” I said, shaking my head. “You would’ve made a fine ass.”
Your empathy for others caused you to forget your loyalty to your own people. I made you remember.”
“Life is sacred and must be taken only when necessary: to protect our home or one another.”
“You are my heart,” he said unexpectedly. The amount of care in his voice settled over my chest like a warm cloak. “I do not easily confess emotions in the way you do, but know I feel the same. The words I once spoke to you hold true: I will kill any man and turn the whole world to ash for you, my warrior. I fear neither battle nor death, but I fear the day you are not by my side. Never question where my heart lies, because it is forever yours. In this life and the next.”
My warrior. My lover. My heart.
“No.” I shook my head, feeling fury burn through me. “I will not be some secret—a whore you sneak away to see in the dead of night. I’m appalled you’d even suggest it.”
“He must be quite the man for you to refuse the advances of a king.”
“Do you not see, Ax?” he asked, shaking his head. “When we are together, all I think about is you. Because we were at odds today, I made many foolish mistakes—mistakes I do not make. I can never be the warrior I’m meant to be because I do place you first. Always.”
“A man without fear is not brave. Bravery comes from being afraid, but doing a thing anyway. To be courageous is to fear death, and yet, charge at the enemy anyhow. Fear does not make you a coward. But overcoming it makes you a man.”
“Even in dark days, we must always seek the light. Once we surrender to darkness, we lose hope, and without hope… we have already lost.”
You and I will never part, my warrior. In this life and the next, we will be just as we have forever been: side by side. There is not a thing that can take me from you, neither the slashing of a sword nor the impalement from a spear, for I will always find you.”
“We never see ourselves how others see us,” he responded. “But that does not make them wrong.”
“Do not pressure them,” Eryx told me whenever I mentioned my interest over them. “If they are meant to be together, they will be. You cannot force a man to love another. It is a decision made by the heart and nothing else.”
“Life is not just. The gods care not whether a man is a beggar or a king. We are the same in their eyes, and when they wish to take us, they do.”
Eryx held me as I cried against him, occasionally kissing the side of my head and saying soothing words. He placed no judgements on me, nor did he show anger for me expressing sorrow over another man.
“Do not ever leave me, Ax,” he said, gripping the side of my neck and pressing his forehead to mine, still moving inside of me. “By the gods, I could not bear it. My whole world is right here in my hands. Without you, I am nothing.”
“No,” he said, taking my hand from his cheek and interweaving our fingers. “Sparta is not my home. You are.”
“Tell Leanna and Leonidas I love them. And when Icarius is old enough to speak and begins to question the world around him…” My eyes watered as I realized I’d not be around to see that day. “Do not dismiss his dreams and curiosities. Let his imagination run free and do not try to beat him into what they want us to be.”
“In all the ages, there has never been a love like ours. No one has ever loved another as I have loved you. If we fall today, my soul will find yours. For I am eternally yours… in this life and the next.”
As he held me, he was stabbed in the back. He barely even winced. But when another plunged into his shoulder, he gasped and held me tighter. His arms wrapped around me like a protective cloak as he shielded me from further injury, taking the damage upon himself.
“What makes up the stars?” I had once asked him in a time that seemed like a different life. A happier one.
“The stars are heroes, men who died and are now commemorated for their bravery in battle,” he had answered, smiling.
I’ll see you in the stars, my warrior, I silently told him, feeling myself slip away.
Eryx and Axios had been embracing, wrapped in each other’s arms long after they’d taken their final breaths.
Even in death, I could not bear to separate Axios and Eryx, so I had placed them in the same grave. I hoped it was what they would’ve wanted, to be in death as they’d been in life: together.
