Axios: A Spartan Tale (Axios Series)

by Jaclyn Osborn

“That is why it hurts, Ax,” he admitted in a crestfallen tone. “Your soul is pure and your mind—although not strong in battle strategy—is keen in other areas. I admire the way you see the world with such compassion. With such light.” He averted his gaze. “However, one day the light you carry will be snuffed out by darkness. I dread the moment when the gentleness in your brown eyes becomes cold as you see, at last, that the world is unforgiving and cruel. And I fear that I will lose you, either to the god of death or to your inner demons.”

“You’re mistaken,” I said, shaking my head. The movement caused a ringing in my ear, and my sight momentarily blurred, but it quickly passed. I’d had worse beatings in my life, so that was nothing. “I already see the world for what it is. Only, I choose to rise above the flames and refuse to succumb to its bleakness.”

I felt something more than the physical, something deep within myself as if he and I were connected by invisible ropes that could not be severed—tied together in this life and the next.

“Although admitting such a thing goes against everything we are taught as Spartans, I feared death,” I answered, still touching him. Storing him into memory, for when one day if we were ever parted, I could close my eyes and recall every part of his perfection. “But, what frightened me most? Never looking upon your face again. Never feeling your mouth moving on mine nor hearing again the sound of your voice whispering my name. All of these things I have memorized of you would be lost to the unknown abyss.” Eryx watched me in silence, allowing me to speak as I rambled through my thoughts. Even though his face remained neutral, his eyes glistened and gave way to the emotion he tried so hard to keep at bay. “I do not fear death because I’m afraid of dying, Ery… I fear it because it would take me from you.”

Eryx liked dominance, and I liked challenging him. It had become a game for us over the years—fighting for control. I’d never been victorious in my conquest, but unbeknownst to him, I’d never wanted to be. Just the act of fighting his dominance pleased me.

“You are my heart,” he said unexpectedly. The amount of care in his voice settled over my chest like a warm cloak. “I do not easily confess emotions in the way you do, but know I feel the same. The words I once spoke to you hold true: I will kill any man and turn the whole world to ash for you, my warrior. I fear neither battle nor death, but I fear the day you are not by my side. Never question where my heart lies, because it is forever yours. In this life and the next.”

“I’m fond of your sister, but I am yours, now and always. You are all I yearn for,” he said in a lighter tone, his previous irritation waned. “Is this what has made you distant?” He leaned forward and brushed his lips across my earlobe. “Every part of me belongs to you. Shall I remind you of this?”

Years of training had readied me for battle, but nothing could ever prepare me for living a day without him. I’d admitted such a thing to him before—that I feared being parted from him—but the true extent of that fear hadn’t made itself known until then. The sooner we left for war, the closer our time together drew to an end, for death was inevitable. As a soldier, our mortality would loom over our heads like a dark cloud. Each rising of the sun would be a blessing. And each kiss could be our last.

As I came apart in his strong arms, he tenderly kissed my neck and held me close, forever anchoring me to him. My warrior. My lover. My heart.

“Swear to me you will never kiss another for the rest of your days. Your lips.” He kissed me. “Your neck.” He nipped the skin at the base of my throat. “And every part of your body is mine. Swear it.” “I swear,” I moaned and rolled my body upward to meet his. Eryx released the hold on my chin and looked at me with a serious expression. “And I swear I will forever choose you. When the day comes and we are asked to settle down with wives, I will refuse them. Sparta can have my life, but she cannot take my heart.”

“I love you, Ax,” he said, becoming serious. “I know we may not ever have the life you wish to have, but I hope having my word is enough. My heart and my body are yours until the end of our days. I swear it to you, by the gods.”

“And I swear to forever be by your side,” I spoke, focusing on him. “To love and defend you, and to spend the rest of my days pleasing you. This I swear, by the gods.” We kissed then, letting our oath circle around us and settle in our hearts. His lips tasted of salt from my tears, but neither of us seemed to mind. All that mattered was each other.

“You trust me, do you not?” he asked in a soft tone, moving his hand along my bare stomach and causing chills to spread from where his fingers caressed my sensitive skin. “If so, hear these words and hold them close whenever you are in the clutches of doubt. You and I will never part, my warrior. In this life and the next, we will be just as we have forever been: side by side. There is not a thing that can take me from you, neither the slashing of a sword nor the impalement from a spear, for I will always find you.” The beautifully spoken words that fell from his lips were what I needed to chase away the unsettling thoughts—the hope and speck of light I had desperately sought. “Swear it, Ery.” He nuzzled his nose against mine before pulling back and taking my face into his hands. “By the gods, I swear it.”

“Do you wish I was him?” he asked in a pained voice that shook with the emotion he couldn’t mask. He did not need to specify for me to know who he meant. The hurt in his eyes as he’d asked the question made my stomach knot. “Never,” I answered as I stared up at him and cupped his face, a face that displayed so much insecurity in that moment. Whatever it was that I felt for Agesipolis, my love for Eryx was greater. “For as long as there is breath in my lungs, I will love you. Only you. And even when I leave this world, I will still belong to you, for my soul will forever seek yours. In both this life and the next. Remember?”

Each time we joined, serenity blossomed inside me—one I could find nowhere else. Being connected to Eryx in such an intimate way completed me, as if he had the missing half of my heart and when we united, the two halves met once more.

“The warrior with the golden hair is your lover?” he asked in a voice so quiet, I had to strain to hear him. I nodded. “I see how carefully he watches over you… as if you are his reason for existing.” With a shaking hand, he reached to touch my cheek. “Such beauty. I am happy you are with me. You captured my heart so long ago, and it is still yours to this day.”

“Do you think he is amongst the stars now?” I whispered, peering at the sky through the archway. “Yes,” he answered, resting his head on my shoulder. “And when the sun sets and the stars reappear each night, he will be with you once more.”

Eryx was too beautiful for words, even after spending the last sixteen years with him by my side, ten of them with him as my lover. Even after countless kisses and an immeasurable amount of touches, I craved more. No amount of time with him would ever be enough. “Do not ever leave me, Ax,” he said, gripping the side of my neck and pressing his forehead to mine, still moving inside of me. “By the gods, I could not bear it. My whole world is right here in my hands. Without you, I am nothing.”

“I shall not leave you,” I responded in a breathy tone, leaning my head back against the rock and gazing at him. My climax was building and trickling down my spine, and I shatter any moment. “I swear it.”

It almost felt wrong to be so happy when so much darkness was in the world—when a man who meant so much to me had just been buried days before. But if I did not seek out the light, I would be consumed by the darkness, and life was too beautiful for such a thing.

“Are you nervous?” Eryx asked as we lay together that night after receiving news we’d be leaving soon. “No.” And I wasn’t. Not really. “I am only saddened for now we have to leave home again. Leave our life here while we go fight a war I do not believe in.” Eryx lightly ran his fingertips along my chest. Comforting me. “What do you believe in then, if not war?” “You,” I answered, turning my head to gaze at him. His hair was in disarray from me entwining my fingers in it while we’d made love, and I reached to brush aside one of the golden strands from his face. “Us.”

“This is the first time I have talked about him,” he confessed in a shaking voice. “It hurts, Axios. I feel as if a part of me died with him on that field.” His body shook and more tears streamed down his face, but instead of wiping them away, he let them fall. “He used to make horribly irritating noises as he slept. Like a hog. Heavy, throaty sounds. I would kick him to shut him up, but he was always such a heavy sleeper and never even stirred.” A sob left him and he tried to stifle it with the back of his hand. “And now I cannot sleep because I miss it. I cannot eat, and most days, I wish for death just to escape the misery of not having him by my side. Of not ever seeing his smile or hearing his laugh again.” I remained silent as I listened, allowing him to talk—to finally release the grief he’d kept locked away for so long. “For years, I was too blind to see him. To realize how much I really cared for him, as more than a friend. Years wasted where I could have been making him happy instead of breaking his heart,” Quill said in a bitter tone, picking up a rock and hurling it into the lake. Then, he hung his head and closed his eyes, speaking much softer, “We never built our home together, Ax. Theon wanted a house overlooking the meadow and he never got it.”

“When you are near, it’s as if my soul reaches out to touch yours,” he spoke, moving his fingers along my jaw and staring at me with a look that made my stomach flutter. “To reconnect with a missing piece. And when we part, I leave that piece with you.” “Stop talking and kiss me,” I said, pressing my forehead to his and knotting my fingers in his hair.

Sparta. A place I could wander with my eyes closed and envision every tree and every meadow. A place that had once brought me pain, but I had learned to appreciate the pain—to overcome it and see the beauty lying within. The place I had met a boy with the most intriguing golden hair, so many years ago, and fallen in love. It was my home.

“Do you remember the morning after we had made love for the first time?” he softly asked. “You asked me to run away with you. To leave duty behind and create a life together away from Sparta. Away from the bloodshed. I told you no.” He shifted his gaze to me, staring regretfully into my eyes. “Why didn’t I listen to you?”

“Because we were needed here,” I answered, gliding the back of my hand across his cheek. “This is our home.” “No,” he said, taking my hand from his cheek and interweaving our fingers. “Sparta is not my home. You are.”

There was no greater silence than the one before battle. It was as if all heartbeats were counted, all breaths measured. A deafening calm carried over both armies, affecting all men. The itching on our scalps and the blood flowing through our veins. The anxiousness that caused us to fidget in place and our palms to sweat all the while keeping our shields raised and our weapons readied. Inhale. Exhale.

“Ax…” He shook his head and peered at me through his helmet. Desperation blazed in his eyes. “Please do as I say.” He already believed the battle to be lost and wished to spare me. “No. I will not leave you,” I spoke, shaking my head. “If we are to die, we do so together. You have always been by my side, and that is how it will forever be.” Until the end.

“If you do not go now, it will be too late,” I spoke with a sudden urgency. “Tell Leanna and Leonidas I love them. And when Icarius is old enough to speak and begins to question the world around him…” My eyes watered as I realized I’d not be around to see that day. “Do not dismiss his dreams and curiosities. Let his imagination run free and do not try to beat him into what they want us to be.”

We looked on before us, knowing it was our final battle. Our final moments. There was still so much I had to tell him, and yet, I knew not what to say. His hand touched mine, just like it had always done in the past. A sign that he was with me. “Ax,” he whispered, meeting my eyes once more. It was a wonder I even heard him through all the surrounding noise, but I had. “In all the ages, there has never been a love like ours. No one has ever loved another as I have loved you. If we fall today, my soul will find yours. For I am eternally yours… in this life and the next.” “Ery, I lo—”

“Do not be afraid,” he said, brushing my hair from my face and staring into my eyes as if I was the sun and he was the plant needing my light. “Death is not the end.” My words from long ago drifted through my mind. “I do not fear death because I’m afraid of dying, Ery…” I had told him. “I fear it because it would take me from you.”

I had spent years memorizing every detail of him, storing his face to memory, and I finally knew why. It was to prepare for that moment. I’ll see you in the stars, my warrior, I silently told him, feeling myself slip away. And then I fell into the dark abyss, hoping he waited for me there.

Sparta had surrendered after that, and the Theban army had allowed us to retrieve our dead from the field. When my gaze had landed on my brothers, I had fallen to my knees and sobbed. Eryx and Axios had been embracing, wrapped in each other’s arms long after they’d taken their final breaths.

I’d buried Quill in a small meadow just outside the city’s borders. My wishes were to travel to Orchomenus to bury him with Theon, but the commanders had refused my wishes. Even in death, I could not bear to separate Axios and Eryx, so I had placed them in the same grave. I hoped it was what they would’ve wanted, to be in death as they’d been in life: together.

It was a beautiful resting place, their favorite area hidden in the woods. I had not wished to give them a random grave. They meant much more than that and deserved somewhere special. Remembering all the times they had slipped away from us to go to their stream, I knew they needed to be laid to rest there. It had taken me a while to finally find it, but when I had, I’d seen the perfect spot for them. They had even carved their names into the tree. And now they rest beneath it.

“It is difficult to put into words the way they altered the course of my life. Eryx with his keen mind, and Axios with his kind heart. They each had what the other lacked, and together, they were whole. Their friendship made me a better man.”

“Do you believe they are in the Elysian Fields?” Icarius asked. I looked at him—observing his curious nature and remembering the words Axios had spoken, a request to allow Icarius to remain true to himself. I would not want him any other way. “No, son,” I spoke, shaking my head and peering up at the sky. The sun shone right then, but in a matter of hours, it would sink below the horizon and breathe life into the night. “They are in the stars.”