Pillow Thoughts

by Courtney Peppernell

I hope you find someone who reminds you that you deserve the love you give.

Perhaps it’s just easier to smile and pretend everything is fine, rather than admit my heart’s a little swollen from losing something that wasn’t even mine.

You spend your whole life convincing yourself you are a chapter worth following, and then someone comes along and doesn’t want to read the ending, and suddenly the whole story falls apart.

I get jealous even when people aren’t mine because others are reckless with their hearts and forget to be kind

There are little pieces of happiness and they are scattered through your day. So take a basket with you as you step outside, fill it up with all the little pieces, and bring it back inside. Take a moment, just by yourself, take out all of the pieces, and place them on your shelf.

Is that why you play the music so loud? A beat to drown out the thoughts, sound so high you cannot think, lyrics so close to home you don’t even blink.

Of all the tragedies on this earth, there is none more tragic than a person who cannot see their worth.

The tragedy of what could have been is nearly as crippling as what once was but can never be again.

I do not see weakness in placing your heart on your sleeve; I see bravery in a world that can be cruel. I see something raw and beautiful in being as honest as you can be.

But life is not about half doing. You cannot half love, or half accept, or half live. It’s about giving everything you have. When you are old and worn, do you really want to look back and say you gave the bare minimum? You owe yourself more than that.

You just need to be enough for you.

It’s okay to close some doors; hell, it’s even okay to lock them.

But you cannot grow if you are bitter.

You’ve become so damaged That when someone Wants to give you What you deserve You have no idea How to respond

When you have been someone your whole life and suddenly you realize a part of you exists that you never realized before, it’s perhaps the hardest thing to walk away from the you that you have always known. To walk into the open arms of this new, redefined you is like saying, I don’t know you very well, but I want to.

Then I am reminded that life will continue on, regardless of whether I choose to board the train or stay on the platform.

That’s the thing about people who are soft. Everyone else thinks they can walk all over them as though they won’t notice. But we do; we notice everything.

Why do you always think you are bothering someone? Stop that.

There will be moments where you have to convince yourself that feeling is better than being numb and that your aching bones are strong enough to carry on.

But even in the difficulty you are still taking steps; you are still making progress. And for every bump along the way, just remember you have come this far; might as well keep going.