Pillow Thoughts

by Courtney Peppernell

Life is too short for games unless it’s a game of cards. Don’t text back right away; if you like them, pretend you don’t; and don’t you dare say I love you first. Well screw all that. I will text you back in three seconds; I will tell you that I like you; and if I love you, I’ll tell you every chance I get. Life is unpredictable, and I’d rather play every card as honestly as I can than have a deck full of regrets and what-ifs.

Often I wonder what it may take for someone’s heart to grow cold and I think perhaps the reason is because their heart was left out in the rain. And so on rainy days I struggle because I still don’t know how to convince you that I will be outside in the storm with an umbrella just big enough to cover your heart.

I wrote this thinking about you and how if you were a novel, you’d be an adventure of sadness and happiness and love lost in between. You would remind me of the sky and mountains and constellations and caffeine. You would be full of pages that make me laugh and other times fall apart. You would smell like history with a worn-out spine and ink that could still bleed. You would always be the novel I took down from the shelf to read.

People should fall in love more. Fall in love with the way your coffee swirls as soon as you pour the milk in. Fall in love with the look your dog gives you when you wake up. Fall in love with the rare moment when your cat doesn’t ignore you. Fall in love with the person who tells you to have a good day. Fall in love with the waiter who gives you extra chili fries. Fall in love with sweaters in winter and cold lemonade in summer. Fall in love with the moment your head hits the pillow. Fall in love with talking to someone until 4 a.m. Fall in love with the days you can hit the snooze button over and over again. Fall in love when a lover stares at you for five hours. Fall in love with the stars when they look at you. Fall in love with the sound of someone breathing. Fall in love with the bus if it’s on time or the train if it comes early. Fall in love with everything possible.

And if the moon could talk I wonder if he would tell the night Just how lovely she is With all those stars shining bright

The world still has much love to give, and I see it; I hope that those blinded by hate and rage will feel it. A love so fiery it becomes the color of cherries, and candles, and lipstick, and they ...

Love makes us both happy and sad, and there is not a soul alive that has been able to understand why.

I hope you find someone who never makes you question your own self-worth. I hope you find someone who chases your happiness as much as their own. I hope you find someone who supports you in the things you are passionate about. I hope you find someone whom you can laugh with and sit in silence with and share your deepest secrets with. I hope you find someone who is your lover, your partner, and your friend. I hope you find someone who treats you as their equal, who learns and grows with you and beside you. I hope you find someone who appreciates all the tiny details that make up who you are. I hope you find someone who respects your heart, your family, and your values. I hope you find someone who reminds you that you deserve the love you give.

Sometimes I wonder of all the goodbyes you’ve ever said if mine is the one you can’t get out of your head.

I never really knew how much the heart breaks until I was lying next to you and you were thinking about someone else

You spend your whole life convincing yourself you are a chapter worth following, and then someone comes along and doesn’t want to read the ending, and suddenly the whole story falls apart.

When the stars ask you what it is you want, why do you speak of a love that tears you apart? Why do you crave a love that will break your heart? Your soul is never beyond repair, so stay humble and be kind and eventually a love will come along and remind you of why you are alive.

I forgave you for myself. Not for you. You were too selfish for me. So when you broke my heart, I decided to be selfish too. Selfish in the way I stopped Making everything about you.

When you are wounded, sometimes it’s best to retreat and heal. But do not stay hidden for too long,...

That’s the thing about moving on. You are never going to find a love quite like the one before. The key is to stop wanting the same things and embrace the things to come.

How does loneliness still exist with all these souls in the world?

she’s the type of girl that has a place in her heart for all the lonely people to go with their forgotten footprints in the snow

Imagine yourself a solar system and the sun is your core. You are never going to truly lose the sun. But night does happen, so recharge and be ready to rise again in the morning.

I hope you know you are loved. I hope things get simpler for you, peaceful. Spend your days with easy breaths and soft words. You deserve light through your windowsill. I hope it comes your way soon.

The stars have died And left their light to you Remember this when You feel weak And worthless And blue

It’s exhausting to be locked in your head with all these thoughts that tie you down. Just for one moment, try with all your might to let go of all the things that stop you from being you.

Of all the tragedies on this earth, there is none more tragic than a person who cannot see their worth.

Sometimes sadness does not have a source. There is no immediate solution, no escape plan from its clutches. Instead, you learn to coincide, as though sadness is an old friend who needs a gentle nudge in the right direction.

May your weapon be kindness Your shield compassion May the flowers grow again To sprout love from all this sadness

But what is involved in a happily ever after? There are too many versions, not for you to choose but to create.

Your feelings are valid and real. Do not let anybody denounce them just because they do not feel the same way. These feelings do not make you weak, or clingy, or overly emotional. They make you strong, brave, and beautiful. You are not merely made of stardust; you are the comet streaking through the sky on the way to do good and bright things.

I do not see weakness in placing your heart on your sleeve; I see bravery in a world that can be cruel. I see something raw and beautiful in being as honest as you can be.

You just have to surround yourself with people who have the same heart as you.

But life is not about half doing. You cannot half love, or half accept, or half live. It’s about giving everything you have. When you are old and worn, do you really want to look back and say you g...

You can make all the effort in the world and yet someone will still tell you it’s not good enough. But this isn’t about them; it’s about y...

It’s okay to close some doors; hell, it’s even ok...

Sometimes it’s not even about calculations or careful thinking. Sometimes it’s just about having a little faith that there are still people in the world who want only the best for you.

But you cannot grow if you are bitter.

Time has no agenda. You can meet someone and love them right away or grow your love over many years. You could have known someone for eternity and they still could not understand your core existence, yet the stranger at the b...

Change is not going to sit you down and ask if you are ready. Change is not going to knock on your door and hand you notice. Change is not going to hug you in the middle of the night and tell you it can wait. Change does not wait. Change doesn’t care if you aren’t ready. It will happen anyway. Change is not always the friend you may want, but it will always know when you need it. It’s like Batman, basically.

You are a battlefield. Never will there be a greater war than the one you hold with yourself.

I feel as though I am always writing my first draft. As though my life is a series of edits that I never have time to complete.

But I am so deeply lost in my own soul, how can I expect anyone else to understand me?

You’ve become so damaged That when someone Wants to give you What you deserve You have no idea How to respond

If you are in love and withering, then this is not love, because when in love, a rose should bloom.

Some things will never be fair for everyone. This is the saddest realization that the universe can teach. So if they are fair for you, remember to be grateful.

They always say that transitions happen with big events. Like a wedding, your birthday, or your graduation. But maybe it’s really in the smaller moments, like when you look at yourself in the mirror and realize how far you’ve come or how far you still have to go.

Dear Life, you are exhausting at times. You throw more tantrums than I have ever known possible. You slow down, you speed up, you take time and give time. Sometimes there is sunshine and other times there are storms. So I try to break it up a little, take risks, love a lot, and find comfort in trying new things. But you are never the same, Life, always changing, always keeping me guessing. So I will live you, Life, to my absolute potential.

That’s the thing about people who are soft. Everyone else thinks they can walk all over them as though they won’t notice. But we do; we notice everything.

You will always be a lot of things. Not everyone is going to like you or understand you. And in the times it feels like you are on trial, Try to treat others with good intentions, Even the ones that don’t deserve it. Be you, even when it’s hard.

Describe her, they said. So I tried to think of all the things I could say about you. Like the color of your hair and the freckles across your back. How you collect notebooks in your spare time and the way you sound in the morning. From your lips, your curves, and your thighs to the generosity in your heart and the fire in your eyes. But when I think about it, I couldn’t quite describe you the way you deserve to be described. Because in the moments you look at me, I love you more than I will ever be able to epitomize.

Just listen to her. Listen to her heart, her mind, her body, and her soul. And if you are lucky enough to find a soul that is beautiful, make sure you tell her.