Pillow Thoughts

by Courtney Peppernell

Perhaps it’s just easier to smile and pretend everything is fine, rather than admit my heart’s a little swollen from losing something that wasn’t even mine.

Who made you feel this way? Like your heart’s too heavy And all its soft parts Are gone? Who made you feel Like this toxic thing Like no one Wants you And you don’t belong? Who made you feel Like your scars Aren’t beautiful And your baggage Isn’t worth carrying? Who made you feel Like you don’t Deserve everything And you aren’t Someone worth keeping? Just tell me where It all went wrong So I can make you feel Like you really belong

Is that why you play the music so loud? A beat to drown out the thoughts, sound so high you cannot think, lyrics so close to home you don’t even blink. It’s exhausting to be locked in your head with all these thoughts that tie you down. Just for one moment, try with all your might to let go of all the things that stop you from being you. I understand why people take flight from bridges, I understand why a girl holds a blade to her wrist, I understand why a grown man cries counting all his lists. What I wish for the world to understand is that in these fragile moments, patience and love are needed most.

I saw an angel once But she had lost her wings I saw an angel once She seemed broken of all things I saw an angel once And asked her why she was sad The angel looked at me and said “Because the world has gone mad”

You take up all the space in my heart and when you are not here, I am jealous of the sheets that hold you, because I am kept awake by the distance that keeps us apart. But when I am with you, I can barely express how much I care. So let’s just stay in bed all day and I’ll play with your hair. We can share every innocent dream and talk about all our fears and I will run my hands across your thighs and your hips. I will kiss your forehead, your knuckles, and your lips. Just tell me softly that you love me, because when you said my name, I swear my heart was never the same.

Before the river takes our love and carries it out to sea, I wanted to thank you for loving someone as broken as me. I know it wasn’t easy; I know it wore you down. Before the cities burn to ashes and the sky rains tears, I wanted to say I’m sorry for all these wasted years. Before our bones are no more our bones and our lips are no longer our lips, I hope you take a lover who sails a different ship. May your nights become less brutal and your mornings a little kinder; May your heart find warmth with someone older and a little wiser.

She’s that girl who doesn’t believe in herself all that much and for the life of me I can’t understand why because my belief in her goes beyond the sky

I think about people sometimes Like how they have their coffee And if they like butter on their toast I think about whether they’re Afraid of the same things I am And whether they’re chasing Dreams every day I think about the scars they Have on their bodies And the light that shines in their eyes I think about whether they Wear socks to bed Or whether they have Special-occasion clothes Hanging in their closets So if you’re ever wondering If someone thinks about you From time to time Then maybe this is your answer I think about you a lot I wonder if anyone is thinking about me too

emotional and messy sometimes lost and confused but if you only realized the wisdom behind those eyes with a heart that never lies would you storm the world like you haven’t a thing to lose?

and I know you’re a little insecure and you think just a little too much but for all the times you think you’re not what someone needs I’m thinking that you are

night. Your feelings are valid and real. Do not let anybody denounce them just because they do not feel the same way. These feelings do not make you weak, or clingy, or overly emotional. They make you strong, brave, and beautiful. You are not merely made of stardust; you are the comet streaking through the sky on the way to do good and bright things.

The days will not stop; they will come for you. As easily as the moon lights the night sky and the sun rises, the days will come. So you must have courage, dear friend, courage in your heart to do all that must be done.

But life is not about half doing. You cannot half love, or half accept, or half live. It’s about giving everything you have. When you are old and worn, do you really want to look back and say you gave the bare minimum? You owe yourself more than that.

Stop acting like you aren’t enough. You’re strong and beautiful and the way you dress or who you like doesn’t change how big your heart is. You are important, and your hair looks nice, and so do your eyes, and the way you eat half a tub of ice cream is sexy as hell. You are not nothing, and you can achieve anything, and you are believed in. You are someone worth having around and whoever has you now, or will have you, is the lucky one too. Why do people tell others what they deserve but never themselves? Stop acting like you aren’t enough, because you are.

If you are in love and withering, then this is not love, because when in love, a rose should bloom.