Pillow Thoughts

by Courtney Peppernell

No one dares to peel back all the layers of your skin All this damage, you’re a mess. Are you ready Are you ready Because I want your damaged skin.

Darling, kiss me like you need to feel safe Because my lips want to know all the places you have been hurt So they can make all the pain drift away

I hope you find someone who reminds you that you deserve the love you give.

And sometimes I wonder if you remember the way we looked at each other or maybe you just forgot.

Sometimes I wonder of all the goodbyes you’ve ever said if mine is the one you can’t get out of your head.

You betrayed me Then you asked “Where are you now?” But how could I stay When you betrayed me?

I asked you to ride shotgun with me. I didn’t say hold the shotgun to my heart and pull the trigger.

You spend your whole life convincing yourself you are a chapter worth following, and then someone comes along and doesn’t want to read the ending, and suddenly the whole story falls apart.

and if the things in your head seem a little messy and the things in your heart weigh a little heavy just know that you’ll beat all of these things and I’ll always love you even with all your things

The stars have died And left their light to you Remember this when You feel weak And worthless And blue

Is that why you play the music so loud? A beat to drown out the thoughts, sound so high you cannot think, lyrics so close to home you don’t even blink.

...oh 😥

I keep wondering how sad do I have to be for someone to stop insisting everything is going to be fine?

This sadness that they say can be beautiful, what sadness is this? Because my sadness rips me apart from the inside and there isn’t a thing beautiful about it.

the way I feel this in the depths of my very soul tho

Your feelings are valid and real. Do not let anybody denounce them just because they do not feel the same way. These feelings do not make you weak, or clingy, or overly emotional. They make you strong, brave, and beautiful. You are not merely made of stardust; you are the comet streaking through the sky on the way to do good and bright things.

You just have to surround yourself with people who have the same heart as you.

It’s okay to close some doors; hell, it’s even okay to lock them.

You are a battlefield. Never will there be a greater war than the one you hold with yourself.

There are too many ways to feel alone and not enough places to fall in love.

I dreamed of love and it gave me too many sleepless nights.

But I am so deeply lost in my own soul, how can I expect anyone else to understand me?

Why do people tell others what they deserve but never themselves? Stop acting like you aren’t enough, because you are.

You’ve become so damaged That when someone Wants to give you What you deserve You have no idea How to respond

Then I am reminded that life will continue on, regardless of whether I choose to board the train or stay on the platform.

That’s the thing about people who are soft. Everyone else thinks they can walk all over them as though they won’t notice. But we do; we notice everything.

And I promise your heart will go on, as damaged as you think it may seem. I can tell you that you will be okay, the most okay that anyone has seen.

You are doing just fine by even existing at all.

You are the sun, and the moon, and every star and you deserve someone who will cross the universe for you.

Why do you always think you are bothering someone? Stop that.

Trust that your body is a castle, and no matter how many wars are waged at its front gates, your castle will always remain standing.

FOR CAMELOT!!! ✊

And for every bump along the way, just remember you have come this far; might as well keep going.