Pillow Thoughts

by Courtney Peppernell

I think if you let me, I’d build an observatory just to show you that all the stars in the universe will never shine as brightly as you.

An ode to everyone I love in this life.

The aches in my arms still surprise me, even years after letting you go.

Life is unpredictable, and I’d rather play every card as honestly as I can than have a deck full of regrets and what-ifs.

There is power in silence,

They say don’t fall in love with writers because their poems are messy and their letters are empty words dressed up to look pretty. But I say fall in love with me because underneath the mess and in between the lines is a heart too full of love that would follow you to any city.

Fall in love with everything possible.

I hope you find someone who reminds you that you deserve the love you give.

Perhaps it’s just easier to smile and pretend everything is fine, rather than admit my heart’s a little swollen from losing something that wasn’t even mine.

in the end we as in you and me were never meant to be

Never.

I never really knew how much the heart breaks until I was lying next to you and you were thinking about someone else

And lying about it.

They say there’s beauty in sadness but I don’t think so (at least not like this). When it’s 3 a.m. and alcohol is the only thing that helps me sleep.

I forgave you for myself. Not for you. You were too selfish for me. So when you broke my heart, I decided to be selfish too. Selfish in the way I stopped Making everything about you.

When you are wounded, sometimes it’s best to retreat and heal. But do not stay hidden for too long, because all wounds need air.

Eventually the victim becomes prey. Heal and keep pushing.

but despite all our sadness the sun always returns.

Is that why you play the music so loud? A beat to drown out the thoughts, sound so high you cannot think, lyrics so close to home you don’t even blink.

Just for one moment, try with all your might to let go of all the things that stop you from being you.

I keep wondering how sad do I have to be for someone to stop insisting everything is going to be fine?

Of all the tragedies on this earth, there is none more tragic than a person who cannot see their worth.

The tragedy of what could have been is nearly as crippling as what once was but can never be again.

One day you are going to look at someone and say, “I survived.” There is great satisfaction in that. Even more if the person staring back comes from your mirror.

Imagine building a foundation of love, trust, and honesty without even a single touch. Then imagine the foundation when the snow finally returns to the mountain.

Oooooooof

Your feelings are valid and real. Do not let anybody denounce them just because they do not feel the same way. These feelings do not make you weak, or clingy, or overly emotional. They make you strong, brave, and beautiful. You are not merely made of stardust; you are the comet streaking through the sky on the way to do good and bright things.

the truth is, you can’t spend your whole life running. It’s exhausting living in fear. Slow down. Chances and risks keep life interesting.

I see something raw and beautiful in being as honest as you can be.

You just need to be enough for you.

Never will there be a greater war than the one you hold with yourself.

be easy now take some time to clear the rubble in your head and teach your heart that some things are better left unsaid

I feel as though I am always writing my first draft. As though my life is a series of edits that I never have time to complete.

You’ve become so damaged That when someone Wants to give you What you deserve You have no idea How to respond

when you invite someone to lie with you, you are inviting them to your safe place. Choose wisely.

Why do you always think you are bothering someone? Stop that.

Do not change your inner values and who you truly are for anyone.

If someone does not appreciate your story or cherish you, this does not mean that someone else won’t. You will find them one day.

It makes me sad, truly, that you were made to feel as though you were annoying or stupid or that you aren’t beautiful when you talk about the things you love or that you aren’t interesting at 7 p.m. or 5 a.m. Your existence is important. You are important.

There will be moments where you have to convince yourself that feeling is better than being numb and that your aching bones are strong enough to carry on.