The Unrequited

by Saffron A. Kent

“Art is painful, Layla. It’s potentially dangerous. Explosive. It takes everything from you, sometimes more than you can afford. It’s a beast, and it’s always starving. You feed it and feed it…until you have nothing left.” He sucks in a breath. “But you don’t mind because you’d rather chase the high of creating something than live in darkness. It’s insanity.”

“Because I’m selfish, Layla. I’ll ruin you, set you on fire, and won’t even look back. I’ll take and take until you’re empty and hollow.” He keeps at his slow torture. “You should push me away, shout at me for undressing you, and then you should slam the door in my face on your way out. And when you’re out there in the hallway, knock three doors down and report me.”

“Never. I’ll never tell on you.”

“Because unrequited love is like a dead, useless organ. It’s functionless. It’s sicker than a disease. You can cure a disease, but you can’t fix a defective soul. That’s the most frustrating thing in the world, to be that powerless.”

He needs me. He needs to exert his power over me because his love has made him powerless. He needs me begging because his love has made him a beggar himself. The lust he feels for me comes from the love he feels for her.

“You know, we should get matching bracelets or something. Soul mates should definitely have a matching something,” I mumble, warm and drowsy.

“Okay, but I don’t like purple.”

“Don’t worry, it’ll grow on you. I’ll get one for Nicky too.”

Thomas and I are meant to be. This thing between us was supposed to happen.

Because I’m a girl who’s not supposed to be the love of someone’s life, not with my selfishness. I was meant to live in the shadows and secrets. I can be Thomas’ secret, for a little while, at least—until I absorb all of his pain and set him free.

If I ever fell in love with Thomas Abrams, I’d never fall out of it.

“This is what I think about,” he bites. “It doesn’t even matter if you’re around. This. Bursting every door down so I can get to your pussy. All I can think about is fucking you, Layla. All the time. Every time. You’re in my fucking blood, and I’ll tear apart anyone who dares to fucking touch you.”

So maybe all of this is a good thing—all the sneaking around, breaking rules, fucking with the universe. Everything is worth it. For Thomas.

Even though it’s inadvisable, I still build castles in the air. I still think of myself as a Cinderella and him as my tarnished, broken, kinky Prince Charming.

I just wonder what’s going to happen when the real Cinderella comes back and makes him all shiny and whole. He won’t need me then. He won’t need h...

“You know I want you. I’m the crazy girl who lets you fuck her however you want. You can see it in my eyes. That’s what you said, isn’t it? It’s in your eyes. You can play with me. You can play with my body because you know how much I get off on it. I’m an open book to you.” I take a deep breath and unlock the door. “But I can read you too. It took me a little while. It took a lot of staying awake at night, thinking about you and yeah, stalking you, but I finally figured it out. You’re suffocating yourself, hoping to breathe life into your relationship, into your love. You’re holding on too tight, and maybe you need to let go, because if you don’t, you might just…kill everything.”

“No, that’s…that’s not right. You’re not beautiful. I think you’re the most exquisite thing I’ve ever seen.” He licks his lips, his eyes flitting back and forth. “No, not a…not a thing. You’re more than that, Layla. You’re…the poem I can never write. Yeah, you’re the piece of poetry I can never hope to finish, no matter how hard I try.”

“You bring them back…my words.”

I thought I did everything right this time. I thought my love wouldn’t eat me from the inside out. I thought it wouldn’t hurt anyone.

Turns out, my love is cannibalistic. Turns out, I don’t deserve to love anyone, much less have that love reciprocated.

Layla Robinson, the fire-breather. My fire-breather.

Loving myself means fighting for myself, fighting for my sanity, and I will fucking fight.

“Because with you, everything is new. I feel like I’ve never not hated anyone before.”

“With you, I feel that I’ve never had any feelings before, like it’s the first time I’m feeling anything at all. Do you know how terrifying that is?” He shakes his head and answers his own question. “It’s very terrifying. I have so many things I want to say to you that I end up saying the wrong thing. I’m so scared of taking the wrong step that I never move at all. I don’t know why I do that. I don’t know why I keep fucking things up when it comes to you, but all I can say is you make me feel like…I’ve never taken a breath before, like I’ve never lived before.”

“A lover is the one who waits,” he paraphrases. “Then, I’ll wait. Forever.”

Bravery is like falling in love. You don’t know if the person will reciprocate, but still you fall.

Bravery is waiting for my Layla. I couldn’t ask her to love me back then. It wouldn’t have been fair. She’d already given me too much, and in return, I’d hurt her too much.

“That you’re taking too long. That I love him so, so much. And I...” She bites her lip and stares at me through her lashes, making my heart skip a beat. “I know I’m not the best person to take care of a baby. I mean, I’m kinda crazy and impulsive, and... But I love him so much

“Hey, you’re my everything. Every goddamn thing, Layla,” I say, my voice wrapped up in gravel and a million swelling emotions that taste like tears. “Besides, love is enough. It has to be. We can figure out the rest.”

“You don’t have to wait for me anymore, Thomas. You never have to wait.”

There are many things uncertain in life. There are many hurdles still to overcome. Our love will grow and change, and we’ll change with it. But today, I make a promise to myself.

I’ll always be brave rather than fearless.

I’ll make my own rules rather than...

And I’ll love. I’ll always love my violet-eyed girl...